gregwa8

Jun 06, 2018 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Organized Animals

The lion, you might be
Surprised to learn,
Sleeps as much as the sloth

Perhaps it is the merciless sun
Though one is quick as lightening
And fills its few waking hours
With the chase
Rather than the dangle

Cats, koalas, panda bears
Even beatles
And the bats who eat them
The great majority of animals
Could be considered lazy

But not like people
Who for "lack" or "leisure"
Or “spiritual wickedness”
Embrace the couch
Instead of reaching
For the reins

We are an animal
Of organized activity,
Most of us,
Doing more work
Than nine to five

Paving roads
And publishing books
Parenting children
And pushing pills

Even the God
Of many religions
is known to reward
Work well done

Though some think
With an eternity of laying
About in the clouds

We might be independent
Like the lemurs
During our days

But jealous as well
Since they spend
16 hours a day sleeping

Cuddling with their kind

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Maryland, USA

Comments

OriginalRhyku

7 years 1 month ago

Greg

I still think your poem is creative but I am removing my original review since I do not want my review included in threads where there are unnecessary vulgar and profane comments included.

gregwa8

7 years 1 month ago

ha, original rhyku. it is

ha, original rhyku. it is supposed to be kind of funny, thinking about how much animals (and we and John Lennon) sleep. I fixed reins, good catch. thanks for your (poetic) response. :)

lovedly

7 years 1 month ago

did you O animal lover know

lions mostly sleep and do it every two minutes
well very few know it..
as she bunks to get a morsel
for her pleasure in return

whereas tigresses snarl
and make the tiger turn

sing all about dogs
we see daily
bitches on heat
none can satisfy ever really
so they wait and watch

then when all dogs wash out
she catches the laziest fella
and remain rearwards stuck for hours

so songsters love vibrations too
when these are endless

once

I heard drummer guys
millions of miles away on the Internet
drumming the night all way
do you also do that way

sing this as a song try you may
why let guys live in dismay

gregwa8

7 years 1 month ago

thanks lovedly. i started out

thanks lovedly. i started out as a drummer :). you are witty, my friend.

lovedly

7 years 1 month ago

yes of course

but mostly
I crack up and smile myself also
others may /may not follow

the poem is based on a Zoo researcher's
ZOO ANIMALS book
once I read in Chicago
lost the book

it spoke of animals sex only

even elephants six
not inches
but in feet
actually 4.5
if I recall

Not seen one yet

raj

7 years 1 month ago

Hi Greg

the title caught my attention since it is a fact of life...I liked your thoughts expressed in verses to support the title...i wonder if this is a Title driven muse...
.....................................................................................

gregwa8

7 years 1 month ago

thx, raj. the inspiration for

thx, raj. the inspiration for this one was the phrase "lazy animals", which had me doing some illuminating research on animals' sleep patterns. I definitely write from single ideas or phrases more often than not. starting with "organized animals" i think i would have got somewhere completely different. :) thanks for the read.

IRiz

7 years 1 month ago

Humans are organized animals.

Humans are organized animals. I get it!
Sweet. Yes they are also mean, miserable and deadly kind.

lovedly

7 years 1 month ago

WE all have animal genes

particularly APE'S
Its so kind of them
but
they have retained 4 percent
ask them when will they share

then we will accept them as our
true ancestors
amen

gregwa8

7 years 1 month ago

I guess we're like animals in

I guess we're like animals in that way too: very cruel at times. And sometimes as humans, we're not very organized at all. Thanks for the read and comment, IRiz!