Origami

Flat room, tiny walls
intricate design.

Folded over
closing in.

Sculpted by a life
we actualize.

Rigid shapes
defined by creases.

Little boxes
so confining.

Breath by breath
oxygen sparse.

Suffocated by
our choices.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: New York, USA

Favorite Poets: Edgar Allan Poe, Jim Morrison, Rudyard Kipling, Hermann Hesse, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, Jack London, Stephen King, there are many more....

Comments

Rula

12 years 3 months ago

Hello Carrie

I like this. I am not so sure if the stanzas' breaks and broken thoughts are meant to be this way but it gave
the reader a tedious feeling. I believe it is well crafted to go with your theme, so nothing to suggest if that was really intended.

lonlyhrtsclub13

12 years 3 months ago

hi rula

Yes it was intentional. I was trying a shorter, simpler style as I have seen a few other poems on here like that. It was meant to be more organized and slower paced. Glad you liked it. Waiting to see if Wesley has any suggestions.

Ian.T

12 years 3 months ago

Carrie

As a flat piece of paper so be it,
Then the journey into a special form.
This is life as a paper to be shaped.
Walk inside the paper there you will find the secret of life
In each partical clinging to its next door neighbor, then the folds as they bend and sometimes separate some particles, this is life.
There is so much hidden that makes the whole.
I liked you adaption of Origami though I would have liked to feel the folds, Yours Ian.T

lonlyhrtsclub13

12 years 3 months ago

Ian

I did some research on origami to see if it would fit the meaning of the poem. It is life as you stated. We live and die and are often trapped by our choices but we all begin as a flat piece of paper...untouched. what shape we form depends on us. Thank you for your thoughts.

ida

12 years 3 months ago

zen

I love the clean sparse lines of this poem
Its title perfect in my opinion
I felt folded and shaped as each stanza built upon the other
leaving a sculpted vision

thank you for this pleasure
Ida

lonlyhrtsclub13

12 years 3 months ago

thank you

For your kind words. I was looking for a different way to describe how we shape our own lives often becoming trapped. Origami just seemed to fit. I am experimenting with style and technique and my usual bitter rants. So glad you enjoyed.