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Nov 10, 2024
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Out of reach
Melancholy entered my life
In a deeper way
Since September began
And the reason is
You're nowhere to be found
So I search for you in everything
In the deepest shades of blue,
Where sea and sky dissolve,
A blue so captious it blinds me,
Leaving nothing but the weight of its stillness,
In the faint notes of a guitar,
Each string
a voice tremulous with memory,
Its chant breathing
like a distant cadence
A tranquil ache pressing gently
against my chest,
In every placee
From sunlit streets
to shadowed alleys,
Where fragments cling
like autumn leafs
In every corner
Where light and darkness
Serenely meet
And deliberations rest, untouched
In my dreams
Where your ethereal face fades
Like a shattered reflection
Lost and fractured in the glass
And yet, you're nowhere to be found,
Though you're so close
just out of reach
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
7 months 2 weeks ago
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Out of reach" effectively conveys a sense of longing and melancholy through vivid imagery and emotive language. The repetition of searching for someone who is "nowhere to be found" creates a strong theme of absence and yearning. The use of sensory details like the "deepest shades of blue" and the "faint notes of a guitar" adds depth to the emotional landscape of the poem.
One suggestion for improvement would be to consider varying the structure of the poem to enhance its flow and impact. While the repetition of certain phrases can be powerful, it is important to ensure that it serves a specific purpose in conveying the central theme. Additionally, paying attention to the pacing and rhythm of the poem could help create a more engaging reading experience for the audience.
Overall, "Out of reach" effectively captures the emotions of loss and longing, but further refinement in structure and pacing could elevate the impact of the poem.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Candlewitch
7 months 2 weeks ago
hello Mini,
with this word (Melochany) do you mean to say (Melancholy) ? welcome to Neopoet!
Hugs, Cat
Mini
7 months 2 weeks ago
Oh yes I didn't see that
Oh yes I didn't see that mistake thank you
Rula
7 months 1 week ago
Hello Mini
This is a heartfelt piece with raw feelings.
I like the title as it gives grips the reader's attention till the very last line.
If I may suggest using the internal rhymes here and there as to add some musicaty to the poem so it won't read as prose.
Anyways I hope you'd soon got whatever look of your reach at the moment
Thank you for sharing.