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Jun 27, 2020
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Outcast
Anxiously gazing around the room I can't help but realize everybody is bonding, everybody but ME,
But it's nothing I'm new to it's always a new day the same story hoping people will start seeing me differently.
I can't help but overhear everyone's thoughts about me
shall I say they are so quick to judge?
They've never cared to actually get to know me or my personal story.
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
Gracy
5 years ago
Welcome to Neopoet family,
Welcome to Neopoet family, Mia. I hope you feel comfortable here. You're certainly not invisible to us, trouble is that there are so many posts that I only saw yours now.
I agree with Teddy about tidying up your verses a little. The theme is obviously very impórtant to you on a personal level. Perhaps you've had some life experiences that made you feel left out? The last line says that nobody has cared about your personal story. Maybe you can write a poem about yourself. Or use 3rd. person.
I wish you well and hope you'll integrate soon. All the best, Gracy
"They've never cared to actually get to know me or my personal story."
Edna Sweetlove
4 years 12 months ago
What you need...
...is a nice large glass of wine.
.
raj
4 years 12 months ago
Hi Mia,
I agree with Teddy and Gracy's comments in toto, so don't feel alone In fact Teddy has also recommended some small changes you need to make..
Cheers!