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Jan 02, 2025
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Pain
Nobody
Ever fathomed
The depth of my pain
My sorrow.
Even I didn't do that.
I just carried on.
It wasn't until
My two encounters with Bruce,
That I began to realize,
The depth of my sorrow,
My pain,
My suffering.
I let it fester,
Out of control,
And it was out there.
I didn't comprehend
The reach it had,
In my mind.
I just could not understand.
It was only today,
That it occurred to me,
How little I had either,
Thought about it,
Or even understood it.
It was the poems I wrote today,
Of calm,
Of serenity,
That stood,
In stark contrast,
To the depths of despair,
From which they emerged.
My pain,
Was deep,
As deep ,
As the sob,
I let out,
In the first session,
With Bruce.
It had lain there,
For almost three years,
Waiting to be heard out loud.
t
About This Poem
Last Few Words: I have had some very revealing thoughts today about the previous three years. It only happened due to two sessions I had with Bruce, who opened me up so to speak. I began to understand that what I considered to be anger, was actually pain. I am eternally grateful for understanding what did this to me , and the process that brought it out in the open. This explains the level of calm I am experiencing today, and every other day since those sessions. I decided to rip off the bandage and just say it both here and in my poem. Just tell me what you think about the way I wrote the poem and how I described the experience.
Review Request Direction:
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
neopoet
6 months 2 weeks ago
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Pain" effectively uses repetition and contrast to emphasize the speaker's emotional journey. The repeated use of the words "pain," "sorrow," and "depth" throughout the poem underscores the speaker's struggle, while the contrast between the speaker's previous unawareness and their current understanding of their pain provides a clear narrative arc.
However, the poem could benefit from more specific imagery. While the repeated references to "pain" and "sorrow" convey the speaker's emotional state, they are abstract concepts that may not fully engage the reader's senses or emotions. Incorporating more concrete details or metaphors could help to make the speaker's experiences more vivid and relatable.
Additionally, the poem's structure and punctuation could be refined for clarity and impact. The frequent use of commas and line breaks may disrupt the poem's flow and make it more difficult for readers to follow the speaker's thoughts. Experimenting with different line lengths, stanza structures, or punctuation could help to enhance the poem's rhythm and readability.
Lastly, the poem's ending could be strengthened. The final line, "Waiting to be heard out loud," suggests a turning point or resolution, but it's not entirely clear how this realization impacts the speaker. Providing more insight into the speaker's emotional state at the end of the poem could help to create a more satisfying conclusion.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Ruby Lord
6 months 2 weeks ago
I am sorry for your loss.
I am sorry for your loss.
I can feel the sorrow in the words you write. I can see you are exploring why and what you feel and for anyone who loses a partner, there is nothing like this experience.
Every loss is a first, a one and only, a never to be again.
I hope writing this has helped you if only a tiny bit, to come to terms with your turmoil.
The strength of expression in your pain is clear.
I hope you found writing this cathartic, it was a moving read, thank you. Take care, Ruby xxx :)
The Gogetter
6 months 2 weeks ago
Another response from The Gogetter
You are about to have a poem about you Lavender. Be prepared.
The Gogetter
6 months 2 weeks ago
Response to Ruby Lord
Thank you for the kind thoughts in what you wrote to me Ruby Lord. It was indeed cathartic to write this poem, and , in a way, the fact that the sequence of the poems on this particular day came in a very odd order for me. I wrote two very calm, positive poems, almost in elation, a sense of absolute happiness, really. Then, what followed was this poem. Furthermore, I was processing , in my mind, a negotiation for the gravestone, a major transaction, following the turmoil of other family issues which just created obstacles for me even being able to properly grieve and deal with it. This is the first time ever that I have been able to express what it felt like to give myself full time to deal with what happened. I carried everybody else and their needs, just because I had to. The sense of catharsis emerged in this poem with that background in mind. Seeking out help outside the family was the only thing I could do to deal with it. Also, being totally honest about what I felt, was the best thing I could do for myself. Dealing with my mental state of absolute anguish was all that I wanted to do, backtracking from the day of the funeral three years ago. I just had to do it. I finally caught up with it all in a clear headed way. Much appreciation for your remarks.
The Gogetter
6 months 2 weeks ago
Response to Ruby Lord
Thank you for the kind thoughts in what you wrote to me Ruby Lord. It was indeed cathartic to write this poem, and , in a way, the fact that the sequence of the poems on this particular day came in a very odd order for me. I wrote two very calm, positive poems, almost in elation, a sense of absolute happiness, really. Then, what followed was this poem. Furthermore, I was processing , in my mind, a negotiation for the gravestone, a major transaction, following the turmoil of other family issues which just created obstacles for me even being able to properly grieve and deal with it. This is the first time ever that I have been able to express what it felt like to give myself full time to deal with what happened. I carried everybody else and their needs, just because I had to. The sense of catharsis emerged in this poem with that background in mind. Seeking out help outside the family was the only thing I could do to deal with it. Also, being totally honest about what I felt, was the best thing I could do for myself. Dealing with my mental state of absolute anguish was all that I wanted to do, backtracking from the day of the funeral three years ago. I just had to do it. I finally caught up with it all in a clear headed way. Much appreciation for your remarks.
Lavender
6 months 2 weeks ago
Pain
Hello!
It's always wonderful to have the companionship of poetry to guide us along as we grow. I sense it has become very important to you. You let the reader experience where you are and how far you've come, and your appreciation for the person who's helped you along the way. Very lovely, and I hope both you yourself, and your poetry continue to flourish.
Thank you,
Lavender
The Gogetter
6 months 2 weeks ago
Response to Lavender
I'm happy that this particular emotion was shown in this poem. I do feel as if I went through a tunnel and came out the other end. The person who helped me through it deserves all that poem delivered. I am still amazed and astonished at the long-term effect his help had on me. Whatever he did, it worked. I always enjoyed writing, in general, but it was limited to bulletin articles for organizations of which I am a member, pretty dry really. It wasn't until I let rip on poems about my late husband and my grief and how I did or did not handle it, that I could express myself more fully and completely. Now it happens almost every day. You are quite correct when you say I have companionship with this poetry. I did not leave the apartment this morning until I had written at least three poems. It is a very significant part of my life. I even wrote a poem on the notebook I have in my large bag, on the way to the beauty therapist yesterday. Thank you for your very kind remarks , Lavender. I will continue to contribute more poems to Neopoet.
The Gogetter
6 months 2 weeks ago
Read your poem- dedicated to you
I've done it Lavender. Read the poem dedicated to you "For Lavender".
Lavender
6 months 2 weeks ago
Hello, Gogetter,
I've read and gratefully responded to your generous poem. You are so kind!
Thank you,
L