Jackweb

Sep 12, 2022 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

This poem is part of the contest:

Neopoem Of The Week Contest September 11th to September 17 2022

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THE PAIN THAT NEVER GOES AWAY

My life has a dominant bitter component,
I can no longer fix aright and feel better,
ever since my light has gone and waned,
I'm now fumbling around in total darkness.

My infectious smile is no longer attractive,
I'm disgruntled, dismayed, what a terrible life?
things turn bitter through no fault of mine,
or am I predestined to go through all this?

My academic years have gradually gone by,
I'm living every single day in my memories,
my hard earned grades now 'cut and wounds',
my heart bleeds in pain of the past but at last,

I'm not a loser, I am an achiever, a goer,
I'm already breaking limits before you all,
my time has ripened, I am in the spot light,
the staff of life is here now with the poet.

©® Onyinyechi Cosmos Etu

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
[This option has been removed]

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Imo State - Republic of Biafra(Nigeria), NGA

Favorite Poets: Late Christopher Okigbo, Wole soyinka, Maya Angelou, W.H. Longfellow, John Milton, W.B. Yeat.

Comments

Geezer

2 years 9 months ago

Just a few little bumbles!

"I'm now fumb[ling] around [in] total darkness.

things turn bitter through no fault of mine

"or [am] I predestined to go through all [this]?

My academic years [have] gradually gone by

[I am] not a [loser]

my time has ripened, [I] am [in] the spotlight

Little things that will make it smoother.
Hope that things get better. ~ Geez.
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Jackweb

2 years 9 months ago

Nice job!

Thanks a lot Gee ...! Rightly fixed!
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Ray Whitaker

2 years 9 months ago

Figurative?

You are seeing places in Life (lately) in your work that you have been writing about, and if this is another example, then you have nicely done “despondancy”. In other words, the maun character in this piece could be someone else, not yourself.

Geezer’s suggestions are ones that I might have made. I like the four line stanzas.

Jackweb

2 years 9 months ago

Oh, thanks!

Ray, the poem goes straight to me. It really happened.
That's my expression about it.
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Jackweb

2 years 9 months ago

Thanks Mark!

I appreciate you for your kind words. Would you please throw more light what you really mean by " Line 3 and possibly more to study.
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Jackweb

2 years 9 months ago

Ok.

Now I got your text right. Thanks !
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Jackweb

2 years 9 months ago

Ok.

Now I got your text right. Thanks !

scribbler

2 years 9 months ago

hello

The previous have provided suggestions I might have made so I will simply say good blank verse on a subject best understood by people who have built up some years

Jackweb

2 years 9 months ago

Ok

Thanks a lot Scrib for stopping by.
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