Neopoet Random Challenge # 16

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Palminervia leaf

We exchange blessing
grasping for air
as I breathe
intaking this smell of palminervia leaf
We eloped together as my nose touches yours
My mind puzzled
By its scent I think,
Simple matters in a palminervia leaf
Like simple life
Like oxygen in your lungs
like words spewed
as your breath
blows them words like the wind blows a palminervia leaf
flapping words through the bending of its leaf
then away it goes
from my hand to the ground
the exchange blessing still exists
as spewed words
are in the mist.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: FL

Comments

Mr joghe

3 years ago

I think your poem is

I think your poem is metaphorical poem.
Your love for natural things cannot be underestimated.
I think you used an inanimate object 'flower' to buttress your emotional expression.
The wedding takes place in line 1-5 'We exchange blessing
grasping for air
as I breathe
intaking this smell of palminervia leaf
We eloped together as my nose touches yours...'
I think you are addressing another person in line 7 'By its scent I think,'
I like your poem. Good work!

Candlewitch

3 years ago

hello Sylvester,

welcome to Neopoet! I hope your poetry finds a home here. if you have any questions about the site, or need help, just ask and I will try to help. if I can't, then I will find someone who can :) in this line: "blows (them) words like the wind blows a palminervia leaf" may I suggest that you use the word (those) instead of (them)? my favorite lines are:

We exchange blessing
grasping for air
as I breathe
(intaking) this smell of palminervia leaf (in taking)
We eloped together as my nose touches yours

I much enjoyed your poem. am looking forward to reading more of your poetry!
*hugs, Cat

Ray Whitaker

2 years 12 months ago

What is a "Palminervia Leaf?"

I can't find it in the dictionary

RoseBlack

2 years 12 months ago

This is lovely

Welcome to neopoet. I love the comparison between the wedding and the palminervia leaf, the joining of the couple and the cycle of the leaf have a metaphoric meaning all wrapped into a gentle, loving blanket. Good read.