Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Mar 11, 2014
⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)
palms
on cotton skinned
skiened transparent
cross-commas, dash
scattered funambulist
of who we are
clasping writ by trees sketched
before bud relinquish
foliage soul
About This Poem
Last Few Words: the palms on the hand have a scattered line pattern i draw theme from, the cross-commas, dash, refer to these lines that seem sketched, science has a pattern call for these lines on the palms but cant meaningfully still explain what, and why, the palms are also soft like cotton much different from other parts of the body,
Review Request Direction:
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
BettyBuff
11 years 3 months ago
Same words, different order- libre verso
'On cotton
skinned skeined
transparent
cross-commas dash scattered
funambulist
of who we are
clasping writ
by trees sketched
before bud
foliage soul'
Hope you don't mind me doing this to your work.
I enjoyed reading the imagery and by rearranging I can 'hear' the soundscape that the words make, supporting your theme. Rearranging offers you the opportunity to use assonance and alliteration to hook the ear.
It's just how I see your piece.
Ellie