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weirdelf
weirdelf
Nov 20, 2011 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Part 2 of a truly offensive poem, for Rhiannon

I'll take Rhiannon's lead and do a limerick

The poet was truly appalling
his peers broke his legs now he's crawling
they ripped out his tongue
and then it was flung,
to the fishes who gave it a mauling

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Sydney, Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: The Romantics, The Mersey Sound, The Beats and, of course, The Bard

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Comments

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

13 years 7 months ago

Hey Jess,

I couldn't write a limerick to save my life. I think it takes a special skill to do so and to have make it appealing. You have done well with this poetic art form. I like it!

p.s.

Have you ever considered heading up a workshop to instruct and educate poets how to critique? I would attend that workshop if you would have me. My critiquing skills are poor and I could use the education and I'm sure many others could, too.

always, Cat

P

pleiades

13 years 7 months ago

as i said to rhiannon, i have

as i said to rhiannon, i have
a soft spot for a well writ limerick

i think that soft spot comes from my childhood
my grandmother knew a slew of them, and was
always reciting them

a suggestion; perhaps the second line
could begin with "so" instead of "his"?
for me, just seemed a better fit

cheers
p

weirdelf

weirdelf

13 years 7 months ago

good suggestion

but it would break the scansion, perhaps a comma at the end of the first line.

P

pleiades

13 years 7 months ago

perhaps i wasn't clear enough

perhaps i wasn't clear enough

i meant "so" in place of "his", so the line
would read;

"so peers broke his legs........"
that, i think, doesn't alter the scansion (does it? i'm not too au fait with scansion)

cheers
p