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AnnaNJ
AnnaNJ
May 15, 2012 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

A Part of You

Your hands amaze me.
Strong yet tender
as the lightest touch from them
sends goosebumps trailing across my arms.
So soft and smooth
as you run your thumb across my cheek
-almost as an afterthought
before you turn away
and leave me standing here.
Breathless.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: I've been working on this one for a little while and I'm not sure if I'm happy with it quite yet. Any suggestions on how to improve it?

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Indiana, USA

Favorite Poets: Gabriel Gadfly, Tyler Knott Gregson, Warson Shire

More from this author

Comments

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

13 years 1 month ago

hello Anna,

Your title tells of the contents of a love poem, without being mushy. I like that. The second line seems a bit stark and mundane:

"They're so powerful"

how about something like: {powerful but capable of great tenderness} or {strong yet tender} or something to that effect.

I love the last line! As it defines the person's effect on you. "Breathless!"

always, Cat

Bonitaj

Bonitaj

13 years 1 month ago

Hi Anna!

at first reading, a powerful little poem! Evocative and well captured, you almost had me feeling those "goosebumps"!
Check the typo on "touch".
Well done!

AnnaNJ

AnnaNJ

13 years 1 month ago

Thank you! I'm glad you

Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it. Also thanks for letting me know about the typo I probably wouldn't have noticed that.

judyanne

judyanne

13 years 1 month ago

almost powerful anna

but i would cut
' as the lightest touch from them
sends goosebumps trailing across my arms'
to.
'the lightest touch
sends goosebumps trailing'
just imho there loses the breathlessness of the write with their length

i enjoyed this
love judy
xxx

R

raj

13 years 1 month ago

Hi Anna

in a few lines you have painted vivid sensuous moments in a very effective manner..