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Sep 22, 2024
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Of Passion and Desire!
High the mark we strive for
driven by desire.
Palsied by the nuance
of the holy fire.
Driven to our knees
while trying to aspire.
The love there taken yesterday
we try to reacquire.
Never do we wander
nor languish in the mire.
Visions of tommorow
we clutch and then devour.
Our beds were never burning
nature was required.
Your voice I hear returning,
your presence was inspired!
Falling into Autumn leaves
make love as we perspire!
Given to our passion
at length we retire.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: A poem of passion. I hope you like!
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Candlewitch
9 months 1 week ago
Dear Leslie,
your poems, all seem to have just streamed easily from your heart and soul, to the tip of your pen! they feel effortless... I have always admired that about you! The lines I like best, are:
Falling into Autumn leaves
make love as we perspire!
Given to our passion
at length we wil retire. (add another "L" to wil)
*hugs, Cat
Leslie
9 months 1 week ago
Of Passion and Desire!
Thanks so much, you always say the kindest things.
Geezer
9 months 1 week ago
Hmmmm...
Puts me in mind of the time when... Uhm... never mind. I was drawn into that scene. Nicely done sir. ~ Geez.
.
Leslie
9 months 1 week ago
G
Thank you Sir I appreciate your comment very much. It is always good when you arrive. Have a wonderful day!
Geezer
9 months ago
BTW...
in your second line, the word desire is spelled wrong. ~ Geez.
.
Lavender
9 months 1 week ago
Of Passion and Desire
Hello, Leslie,
I feel both the passion, and the desire here. I might suggest flipping the final two stanzas. Very nice!
Thank you!
L
Leslie
9 months 1 week ago
L
That is a really good idea, but I saved it to my google docs before changing it and now I don't think that it will be accepted! I'll try to change it later. I'm glad you liked it. Thank you for reading.
Lavender
9 months ago
Hello, Leslie,
I like your revisions. The poem's ending feels very settled and peaceful.
Thank you!
L
kowque
9 months 1 week ago
Hmmm
Alot to unpack
Thank you for sharing :)
Leslie
9 months 1 week ago
Kowque
Hi I hope that you liked it, but maybe I'm a little naieve. I don't really know what you meant. sorry so stupid.
kowque
9 months 1 week ago
I read
Alot of techniques woven together
I'm not bright enough to piece it all together
But, I can appreciate the piece nonetheless
And enjoy it.
Triskelion
9 months ago
"High the mark we strive for.."
... no truer words spoken and expressed as eloquently. The first line drew me in and I was impressed with the way you carried the rhyme through each stanza. You could say I am "inspired"
Cheers!
Thomas
Leslie
9 months ago
Thomas
That is very flattering, it has been awhile since I have written like that!
Rula
8 months 4 weeks ago
No truer words
No truer words
High the mark we strive for
driven by desire.
Palsied by the nuance
of the holy fire.
Much enjoyed.
Best wishes
mark
8 months 4 weeks ago
Agree
Like how this ends Leslie.
I'm not sure about required used twice written nearly on top of each other hmm..
Just a little something about using the same words near each other that I picked up along the way. Maybe nobody including you agree, and that's ok. It's all good in poetic creations.
Carry on friend,
Mark
Leslie
8 months 4 weeks ago
MARK
I didn't notice that thanks for the heads up and thanks for your comments I hope you're doing well!