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gregwa8
gregwa8
Nov 07, 2018 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Passport Smiles

Like a city on a hill
We can practice fortified free will
We can trade our caves for scenery
Our desert hearts for miles of greenery

Like dolphins in the dusk
We can shed our self-effacing masks
We can trade our fears for poetry
Give way to hope and curiosity

The moon’s a light up in the sky
Perfect for longing and lullabies
But a world alive awaits us all
Down here

Though we get wrapped up in bed sheets
We hear the calling of the streets
The world’s our stage and we can be
Shakespeare

Computers, cars, and microphones
All help us feel less alone
You can wear your heart upon your sleeve
Help somebody struggling believe

The journey of 1000 miles
Begins with a toothbrush
And a passport smile
We can find a hole that’s in a wall
Walk museum, subway, or palace halls

The moon’s a light up in the sky
Perfect for longing and lullabies
But a world alive awaits us all
Down here

Though we get wrapped up in bed sheets
We hear the calling of the streets
The world’s our stage and we can be
Shakespeare

Like a city on a hill
Even if we've got to take our pills
We can trade our caves for scenery
Our desert hearts for miles of greenery

We can trade our fears for poetry
Give way to hope and curiosity

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Here's the last song in a 14 song album I'm working on. Though it's not the last song in the lineup. I'll put a link to the rough demo in the comments, if you wanna check it out.

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Maryland, USA

More from this author

Comments

IRiz

IRiz

6 years 8 months ago

Super song !!! I love it.

Why did you cut the last lines of the lirics?
Please add them here in the text.
I love the mode the song conveys.
I love the quiet as a matter of fact recital that somehow places me here beneath the moon in the real world and I like it.

Eumolpus

Eumolpus

6 years 8 months ago

hi Greg,

I think for all of us who have memorized everything Joni Michell every did she was first to use passport smiles:

All the people at this party
They've got a lot of style
They've got stamps of many countries
They've got passport smiles
Some are friendly
Some are cutting
Some are watching it from the wings
Some are standing in the centre
Giving to get something

Though not intentional plagiarism by any means, it still is an issue to be considered.

I think your lyric has more potential as a poem. It's too "dense" for a lyric in my opinion. Songs for me need to be immediate and transparent...like Joni's above...

I think

Like a city on a hill
We can practice fortified free will
We can trade our caves for scenery
Our desert haunts for miles of greenery

reads very nicely as a poem, but a tough lyric to pull off. Just like Joni's is not a particularly good poem, but what a great lyric.

gregwa8

gregwa8

6 years 8 months ago

thanks for the heads up. I

thanks for the heads up. I didn't know that it was already a lyric. wasn't it just Joni Mitchell's birthday? some of my favorite musicians are pretty heavy in their lyrics. definitely not for everybody. like you're saying, people want to get carried away by songs, not bogged down in them necessarily. but it's definitely my style to lean much more towards the poetic than the traditionally lyrical. always appreciate the comments and consideration.