raj

Jun 14, 2018 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Patience

Over a bed of stones
river runs its course
smoothing their edges
till they stop to hurt

it doesn't happen quickly
as soon as a blink
even whiskey on the rocks
needs a time to chill

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Somewhere in the world, IND

Comments

lovedly

7 years 1 month ago

ur

Patience is so chilling
whiskey on rocks
all drink here daily
and
become like ice nearly
when life
in veins
is needed

raj

7 years 1 month ago

Thanks Lovedly

for the read...
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IRiz

7 years 1 month ago

Nice lines.

Nice lines.
Beautiful poem.
I like its form and content.

raj

7 years 1 month ago

Thanks friend IRiz for taking

Thanks friend IRiz for taking the time to read and for your words of appreciation.

I was thinking if "Endurance" would be a more appropriate title but ultimately settled for "Patience"...what is your opinion?
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IRiz

7 years 1 month ago

I think Patience is the

I think Patience is the precise word your poem is about. When I was reading your poem for the first time I noticed how perfect the name is.

raj

7 years 1 month ago

Hi IRiz

good to know that you too feel that I was right in choosing "Patience" as the title.

Thanks for stepping in once again with that comment. It is appreciated.
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IRiz

7 years 1 month ago

My pleasure

gregwa8

7 years 1 month ago

I love the juxtaposition! a

I love the juxtaposition! a river over rocks, whiskey over ice. the rhythm is really great, too.

raj

7 years 1 month ago

Thanks Greg for the read...

Thanks Greg for the read....good to know you liked the rhythm & juxtaposition which was an intent..
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brittle light

7 years 1 month ago

Raj

quick and slick (in the best sense)
the analogy works well,
...the juxtaposition of geological time and the time it takes to melt an icecube made me chuckle.

cool

later,

raj

7 years 1 month ago

Thanks Al for the read and

Thanks Al for the read and your good words. Nice to know it made you chuckle...
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