Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Jan 31, 2012
⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)
A PAUSE IN THE TRAIL
I look back upon this lengthy trail
and barely see where it began
for it's faded like a white contrail,
like any effort left by man.
Distance masks the rougher parts.
From here rivers seem mere brooks.
There's no sign of the stops and starts
or short rests earned in restful nooks.
Overall the path has been ascending
and full of forks along the way
which I often chose merely depending
on the whim which struck that day.
Until those choices led me here
where the final peak has come in sight.
I know that if I persevere
I'll one day scale that soaring height.
But as this journey grows in length
why must the grade's incline increase
just as old legs decline in strength,
when force and span of strides decrease?
Yet I'll just keep plodding on,
as if I really have a choice,
until it comes that final dawn
and I once more hear my father's voice
About This Poem
Last Few Words: Did the metaphor come through?
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Geezer
13 years 5 months ago
The metaphor came through...
loud and clear Stan. I liked it much. You have a way of bringing nature and man together in your work like few others I know. I know that not many people read a work the same way, so I can't be sure about the meter, it seems a little rough here and there, but overall, it is a good piece. ~ Gee
scribbler
13 years 5 months ago
Hi Gee
I'm glad it worked for you. I know I've visited this subject a few times before but I'll keep returning to it until I get it right lol.And feel free to point out the spots you think are rough..............stan
Geezer
13 years 5 months ago
Since you asked...
1] for it's as faded as a contrail,
like any effort made by man
2] or sparse breaks in restful nooks
3] which I often chose depending
4 ]and I hear again, my father's voice
As always, ~ Gee
scribbler
13 years 5 months ago
Hi Gee
Much easier to check something that's specifically pointed out. Appreciate it and will stew and simmer and scratch my head, and other body parts lol, then see if I can better this.....................stan
wesley snow
8 years ago
Don't try to better it.
The thing is fine as is. Where do you find the time to write?
scribbler
8 years ago
When
I first started back writing (about 40 years after writing my first poem) i was writing sometimes 3-4 a day. But I've slowed down now to about 3-4 per week.I usually write late at night but try to keep a notebook hang in case I need to make a note when muse hits. And thanks for the kind words. BTW do you know how to see in what manner a poem has been edited?
wesley snow
8 years ago
Not really.
I don't know how to use the "revisions" button.
scribbler
8 years ago
Just
Go to the area above the poem and hit "revisions" this will give you a choice of different ways to track all the changes which have been made to a poem, easy peasy