Seren

Apr 12, 2013 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

With Peaceful Easy Strokes

I mix the Grey
of ash and soot
into shade, ground
from between the leaves
of midnight and dawn

as the texture of you
begins the pale
to nothing

as each lift of the brush,
and every dab erased you
from the canvas of my life,
I realize,
I am overpainting each
and every particle
of you

I meditate on the good
but with regret I forget,
for in the remembering
burns a nothingness

I remix the colour
with a rainbows spray,
and I fill the void
where you once stood

too long
I stood in the background
of your Shadow painting

I am a now
mistress of my own easel
and my brush is reaching
out of the shadow
of you

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Beyond the Black Stump..Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: Pablo Neruda, P.K.Page, W.H.Auden, to many and various to include them all ...

Comments

Josephus

12 years 3 months ago

I like this

I like your style and phrasing. The idea of being far enough from a relationship or be able to use "peaceful easy strokes" to erase it is very powerful. I truly value clarity in poetry. You have practiced that well in this.

peace,

Joe

Seren

12 years 3 months ago

ello Joe

very glad you liked this piece I wrote it a while back and I recently gave it a hug edit I appreciate your thoughts on this one

hugs Jayne-Chloe x

scribbler

12 years 3 months ago

Hi Jayne

I read the title and the last thing I expected was brush strokes lol. I like the concept of painting over memories of another. Second line of second stanza, I think you went too far out of the way to avoid using "to" in two consecutive lines. If it really means that much to not do so you might consider "begins paling" as the avoidance wouldn't be so obvious. Yeah, yeah,,,,you free versers dislike gerunds too lol............stan

Seren

12 years 3 months ago

Hi Bro

Thanks for the suggestions I will keep them in mind when I do an edit which will be sometime this week thanks for stopping by and leaving your thoughts :) its always appreciated

love JC xxx

Ian.T

12 years 3 months ago

Jayne

Lovely to see that the old dark colours have been replaced with rainbows of love and other ways of being. As you have said it is a memory, but as you have done as it is the wrong colour then a change has to be carried out and only the artist can do this, Yours Ian.T
PS:- do I need to send an artist like Turner to help you LOL x

Seren

12 years 3 months ago

Ian

I wrote this one a while back its still in need of some work I plan to edit a few poems in the next couple of days and this is one I had already planned to edit the line breaks need some work

lol which Turner are you going to send ? giggle

love always JC xxx

Ian.T

12 years 3 months ago

Jayne

I will ask J.M.W. Turner, 1775-1851, he painted such beauty and even now they are not sure which was true colours as during his time there was a Volcano eruption in Indonesia that made the skies strange colours for weeks, it is believed he painted true.
I know he lived a long time but his Spirit is so young LOL, Take care thinking of you and yours, Ian.T

Seren

12 years 3 months ago

I looked up turner for artist

I looked up turner for artist works etc and it brought up a few different turners thanks for clearing that up for me I will look him up now I know which one

love always JC x