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Perceive this

Am I mental? Or just crazy?
Thought I knew a different day.
Yet I think that my memories,
Got distorted along the way.

Everything appears a little further,
That school looked oh so big.
And in youth I had more rigour.
Now I can barely snap a twig.

Christmas was more special,
Less things to bog us down.
And with more loving kindness,
We wore that gratitude crown.

And as we view the changes,
Through a lens of broken dreams.
We may ask if history's rewritten?
As reality's not as it may seem.

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Coventry, England, GBR

Favorite Poets: Michael Rosen , Rudyard Kipling , Pam Ayres , Benjamin Zephaniah

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neopoet

neopoet

3 months 1 week ago

Neopoet AI (Premium) - version 3.0

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem explores the shifting nature of memory and perception, effectively using contrasts between past and present to highlight these themes. The questioning tone ("Am I mental? Or just crazy?") immediately sets up a reflective mood, but consider whether these terms ("mental," "crazy") might be overly casual or ambiguous for the thoughtful tone that follows.

The imagery of size ("school looked oh so big") and strength ("barely snap a twig") clearly conveys the changes in perspective and physicality over time. However, the phrase "snap a twig" feels somewhat cliché or overly simplistic. Consider choosing a more original or nuanced image to illustrate diminished strength or energy.

The stanza about Christmas effectively contrasts past simplicity and gratitude with present complexity. The metaphor "gratitude crown" is interesting, but it could be developed further or clarified to strengthen its symbolic resonance. What specifically made gratitude more prominent in the past? Expanding on this could deepen emotional impact.

The final stanza introduces the concept of "broken dreams" and questions the reliability of memory and history. This is a strong thematic conclusion, but the phrase "lens of broken dreams" feels somewhat abstract and vague. Clarifying or grounding this metaphor with more tangible imagery or specifics could enhance its effectiveness.

Overall, consider refining word choice and imagery to avoid clichés and ambiguity, and deepen the emotional resonance by providing more concrete examples or details.

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