Performer

I force myself to smile and talk
when all I want to do is walk.
Vacate this poisoned place in time.
Alone, I’d scribble down my rhyme.

I’d let it flow like sparkling stream.
Then douse myself in drink and dream.
In my own soul – and God I s'pose
I would confide and then compose.

But unpoetic people pry.
They want to know the reason why
a dad, who’s ageing like an oak,
does not behave like normal bloke.

I force myself to smile and nod,
assure them I’m no crazy sod,
but to the grand-kid on my knee,
I then perform my poetry.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: just how it is. Children seem to love poems read to them. My own grown-up kids, not so.

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Buxton, Derbyshire., GBR

Comments

neopoet

2 months 3 weeks ago

Neopoet AI [2025-04]

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:

This poem explores the tension between inner emotional life and external social performance, a theme that resonates with many readers. The use of the "performer" metaphor is effective in conveying the speaker's sense of acting or putting on a facade, especially in social contexts.

The rhyme scheme is consistent and traditional, which supports the poem’s steady rhythm and mirrors the controlled exterior the speaker maintains. However, some lines feel slightly forced to fit the rhyme, such as "God I s'pose" and "normal bloke," which might interrupt the natural flow for some readers. Revisiting these lines to find more fluid phrasing could enhance the poem’s musicality.

The imagery of aging "like an oak" is strong, evoking strength and endurance, but it contrasts with the vulnerability expressed elsewhere. This contrast could be deepened by expanding on the oak metaphor or by introducing additional natural imagery to reflect the speaker’s internal state.

The closing couplet cleverly brings the poem full circle, showing that while the speaker performs for others, there is a more genuine sharing with the grandchild. This ending adds emotional depth and complexity.

Consider varying the line lengths or introducing subtle shifts in rhythm to mirror the speaker’s internal conflict more dynamically. Additionally, exploring more specific details about the "poisoned place" or the nature of the "unpoetic people" might provide richer context and invite readers further into the speaker’s experience.

Overall, the poem effectively captures the struggle between authenticity and social expectation, but refining some phrasing and expanding imagery could strengthen its impact.

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