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eightmenout
Aug 29, 2014 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Permanent Solution

(to Claire - trust works both ways)

You offered me pennies for my thoughts.
Are they even worth that much? Are they worth a thing at all?!
Why is this even a question? I did not accept.
I could not accept. I pay you for my words.
That is the game we play,
like children bouncing balls off checkered squares on rounded walls.
At times we miss. At times they strike us.
It hurts. It doesn't hurt.
Yes,
It hurts a lot.
I came to you to protect my words
and still I am hurting.

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: South Carolina, United States, USA

Favorite Poets: Edgar Allen Poe, Henry Rollins, Langston Hughes, Emily Dickinson

More from this author

Comments

wesley snow

wesley snow

10 years 10 months ago

Hmmm.

This is not your best. Too much variation in its meter makes it a tad choppy. However, the language use is still up to your par.

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eightmenout

10 years 10 months ago

At some point, I need to get

At some point, I need to get with you to learn meter that allows two accented syllables next to one another. Please and Thank you.

wesley snow

wesley snow

10 years 10 months ago

It's called a spondee.

Two accented syllables one after another and perfectly acceptable. A Pyrrhic foot is two unaccented syllables. Dactyl is an accented syllable followed by two unaccented and Anapest is two unaccented followed by an accented.

Seren

Seren

10 years 10 months ago

Scott

Scott

I got lost a little in the explanations above big smile, but I will say from my uneducated opinion

that this is a damn fine poem I look forward to reading the edits

love Jayne x

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eightmenout

10 years 10 months ago

Jayne

Not certain how I missed your comment on this one. Sometimes I am stuck using my phone for the site for long periods of time and I don't always see when people have commented.

As always, appreciate you stopping by, having a read and offering your opinion. Hope you are feeling well these days.

L

Lonnie

10 years 10 months ago

Hey Scott,

It may need tweaking, but I myself, can offer no great suggestions to help, would that I could! To me, it reads well as is, but to the more educated in poetic lore, I suppose it may lack something! At any rate, just stopped by to read this and offer my meager kudos and say howdy!

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eightmenout

10 years 10 months ago

Lonnie

Appreciate you stopping by and offering your opinion.