Personal Abuse

Firstly welcome to Neopoet and I hope that your visit with us will be long and fruitful..
Before I can comment on this well written piece I would like to know how much is fact, it is hard sometimes to form an opinion on the theme of works if the actual events are not known, so I shall wait for your reply first, Yours Ian.T
PS:- the box for last few words from you can carry a little footnote to your writes saying if factual or fiction.

want to welcome you to Neo.
I know that most poets write from personal experience.
No matter; this was a strong piece of work.
I would like to invite you to the next Chat on the Darkside
I will host it on Saturday the 26th at 9pm. until 10pm.
It usually winds up being an open chat, with suggestions
from me on subjects, rather than a themed thing, but that's alright,
we have fun! Nice work, ~ Geezer

Thank you for saying that this is written from your own experiences it makes a bit of a difference in the comments.
Experiences of people are dealt with in so many differing ways it is so easy to cause undue hurt if these things are not known.
Remember there is a place you can tick it says treat this with a little care (Review Request (Intensity).
As to this write it is from a raw place and very good, most writes on personal experiences, always have a depth that fiction cannot reach, also remember that the writer has to take more care on presentation, use those "Review Request, Intensity boxes, they are there for a reason.
Take care out there and I look forward to your next writes,
Yours Ian.T

i like not knowing if a write is factual or not
whether it is or isn't makes no difference
to any critique i offer.

i found this a very strong piece of writing
very involving actually...it drew me right in

the structure works well with the content
thoughts in turmoil falling down the page
not random though...
the repetition of treat it, and red, work so well for me
it emphasises the sense of the protagonist's pain, and
i cannot help but feel as i read

i have an aversion to writes with every line
capitalised...just don't see why!
but that's really neither here nor there, just a personal preference

a very minor hic-up for me, are the lines
"But with a stomach
Filled with alcohol"
"with" in each line jarred a little to me...i'd suggest
an edit to maybe lose one of the withs...but that's
entirely your call
nothing 'wrong' with keeping it as is

quite a powerful first post on neo
welcome!

cheers
p

Like Beau I hate that such poetry has to be written but when its done well its a credit

I cant see that it needs to be added to or changed

kind regards Jayne-Chloe

fine inaugural post. Pleides gave you all the crit it needs.

I look forward to more of your work.