Michael Anthony

Nov 29, 2022 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

This poem is part of the contest:

Neopoem Of The Week Contest November 27th to December 3rd 2022

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Pictures in Frames

As I amble through my days
people I love are no longer here,
but they frequently return to me
in unexpected moments
The memories often repeating

These keepsakes of them
alight in my thoughts
and find purchase in a smile

Keeping them close to me
on a cold seashore in winter,
in my dark hours with hit-and-run rain,
and in pictures in frames
still telling their stories

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Region, Country: San Francisco Bay Area - USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Bukowski, Billy Collins, Ted Kooser, Haiku & Harvey Kurtzman (a visual poet, of sorts)

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

Geezer

2 years 7 months ago

A little thing...

I'm sure, but I think that
I would change the 2nd verse to read:

The memories often repeating
with keepsakes of them
alighting in my thoughts
to find purchase in a smile

I find it interesting that many people use commas
at the end of a line, and not a full stop to indicate
where one sentence ends and another begins.

I did so love the line: "in my dark hours with hit and run rain."

~ Geezer.
.

Michael Anthony

2 years 7 months ago

Thanks, as always, for

Thanks, as always, for sharing your thoughts and time Geez!

Interesting comment about commas though. This is not uncommon with many professional poets (not putting myself in this category by any means, but like Ted Kooser, et al), I use them as well when I feel a sentence or thought is connected (and sparingly if possibe, like much of my punctuation). Given this, I wonder if you'd feel the same way re-reading this with that in mind, or other pieces on the site or elswhere. Generally, if I start a line with capitalization this is a new thought or sentence (usually without a period).

Thank you for re-working the second stanza as a suggestion. I like it! Maybe like this though:

As I amble through my days
people I love are no longer here,
but they frequently return to me
in unexpected moments
The memories often repeating

These keepsakes of them
alight in my thoughts
and find purchase in a smile

Best

Geezer

2 years 7 months ago

With the propensity...

for some people making each line in the poem a capital,
sometimes it is hard to figure where one line ends, and another begins.
I did as you suggested and find that it does read better.
As I always say; it is your work and I can only tell you how I might do it.
If you have better ideas because of something I showed or told you, I'm all for that.
Nice job! ~ Geez.
.

Michael Anthony

2 years 7 months ago

Could not agree with you more

Could not agree with you more about capitalizing every line. I find it distracting, and it often leads to difficulty in discerning one's message in a poem if not done well. Maybe I should spend less time obsessing over assuming the writer wants the reader to find a specific message, and focus on the imagery journey or other elements of a piece. I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed, so I have trouble with interpretation and understanding when reading many well known poets, so there's that, LOL! Always enjoy chatting with you Geez - be well!

Best

Lavender

2 years 7 months ago