Pictures On A Wall In A Pub in A Valley

This is Wyn. Wyn was a farmer in our valley so green.
This is Dai. Dai worked down the mine, the strongest man I’d ever seen.
Lyn. He was a butcher, comedian and an old soak.
But above everything else, a real friendly bloke.
Then there is Rob. The baker like no other.
And Casanova Steve. Another miner and Robs brother.
Colin Book and Pencil. Our local Bobby and true hero.
Saved the life of Wyns daughter in the river, but he wouldn’t tell you.
Mervin the headmaster. He taught my brothers and my daughter.
Just a few from my village who never returned from the fields of slaughter.
There is a corner in the pub now, that bears the pictures of the lost.
It’s a reminder of their importance, their duty and the cost.
Chris OMalley

About This Poem

Last Few Words: This is a brief piece of my work, however my poetry tends to be shore and full. This poem is the reflection of the first persons explanation of how the Great War hit whole villages and towns in Wales

Review Request Direction: How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: South Wales U.K

Favorite Poets: Dylan Thomas is my true inspiration. His observations and his depiction of people are amusing and true to the culture of Wales. , Dafydd ap Gwilym is regarded as one of the leading Welsh poets and amongst the great poets of Europe in the Middle Ages. Again his poetry never grows old and his depiction of life at those times lives on today., Ocean Vuong, the beautiful language of this Vietnamese-American poet Ocean is evoking and spiritual. He explores his family history, the effects of war and the complexities of love. I believe that Vuong’s “Night Sky with Exit Wounds” is a great place to start for anyone who wants to start reading poetry.

Comments

neopoet

1 year 6 months ago

Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Pictures On A Wall In A Pub in A Valley" captures a sense of community and pays tribute to individuals who played significant roles in the narrator's village. The use of concise descriptions for each person helps to create a vivid image of their character and occupation.

One suggestion for improvement would be to consider the flow and rhythm of the poem. While the poem effectively conveys the message, some lines feel slightly uneven in terms of syllable count and stress. For example, the line "But above everything else, a real friendly bloke" has a different rhythm compared to the rest of the poem. Consider revising this line to maintain consistency in the overall flow.

Additionally, the poem could benefit from further exploration of the emotions and personal connections between the narrator and the individuals mentioned. Expanding on the impact these people had on the narrator's life or the village as a whole would deepen the emotional resonance of the poem.

Overall, "Pictures On A Wall In A Pub in A Valley"

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Alex Tanner

1 year 6 months ago

Hello Chris

This is a piece that should not be criticized harshly. Like all works it could be improved but why should it? It tells of so many places, and so many people sacrificed, for what? I also love Listening or reading Dylan Thomas. I have a tape, recorded in New York shortly before he died of a reading of Under Milk Wood in which he reads the Narration. I think it is with a Jewish society and while their efforts at accents leave much to be desired the sheer joy of the reading surpasses almost all others I have heard (and that includes the one with Richard Burton). Alex.

Lavender

1 year 6 months ago

Pictures On A Wall In Pub In A Valley

Hello, Chris,
Your inviting title brought me in. Your poem is full of warmth, honor, and respect. Written so well, I feel as if I am standing there with you, getting to know these men and their lives, and personalities. Beautiful tribute.
Thank you,
Lavender

Ruby Lord

1 year 6 months ago

I enjoyed the conversational

I enjoyed the conversational tone of your poem, and the roles your characters play within the village while the heart breaking issues of life and death are revealed. Ruby :) xx