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May 22, 2025
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Pieces of Shaya
Pieces of Shaya
are everywhere in Faye's and Charles' place.
I see the way he is present
and it is very different
from the way it is with me.
I looked at the photos
in the living zone of their house.
The photos I took,
of when Faye and Sarah
were very small.
That kiss on the cheek
that Sarah gave to him,
I just continued to stare
because it moved me so much.
The arrangement of her photos
are so thoughtfully planned,
with very special meaning for her.
As she sits and watches the tv screen,
he is there,
deeply immersed in her life,
Her fridge
with all the dips
reminds me so much
of the way her father
had a large supply of them in the fridge.
He is there
all over the house,
pieces of him.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: I was at Faye's and Charles' house just yesterday in rather disruptive circumstances. I looked around staring at the photos Faye has prioritized in the house. They moved me, and were selected very definitely from her PERSPECTIVE.
Review Request Direction:
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
neopoet
1 month 2 weeks ago
Neopoet AI - version 2.0
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Pieces of Shaya" effectively conveys a sense of nostalgia and longing through the speaker's observations of Shaya's presence in Faye and Charles' home. The imagery of photos, kisses, and the arrangement of objects creates a vivid picture of the emotional connections between the characters. The repetition of "pieces of him" at the end reinforces the theme of his enduring influence.
One suggestion for improvement could be to further develop the emotional depth of the speaker's reflections on Shaya's presence. Exploring the speaker's own feelings and memories in more detail could enhance the reader's connection to the poem and provide a deeper insight into the relationships depicted.
Additionally, paying attention to the flow and structure of the poem could help create a more cohesive narrative. Consider experimenting with line breaks or stanza divisions to guide the reader through the speaker's observations and reflections more effectively.
Overall, "Pieces of Shaya" captures a poignant moment of reflection and connection, and further exploration of the speaker's emotions and
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact