William Saint George

Apr 03, 2013 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Pills, Restlessness & Prosody

An overdose of pills,
of heartache
and a nap
on the shrink's arm chair.

There's too much
to focus on;
so little time
to think on it.

It's like
an Olympic dash,
but the track extends
to the far future.

And I hear it doesn't end.

When there are no storms
to draw one's fancy,
one looks within,
at the hurricane;
in the mirror
a gorgon stares back blankly.

This is not a masquerade,
this is life.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Me right now.

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Ghana, GHA

Favorite Poets: William Shakespeare, Lord Byron, John Keats, Percy Shelley, Oscar Wilde, Alfred Lord Tennyson, Henry Longfellow, William Yates, Ezra Pound, Sylvia Plath

Comments

William Saint George

12 years 3 months ago

thankfully

The mood fades. :-)

Ian.T

12 years 3 months ago

W St G

I liked this piece, just that most of the AND's could be thrown away where it would not change the poem at all:-

Oh! for a perfect mirror,
If you see what I mean, Yours Ian.T

PS:- Your edit has made this shine out...

William Saint George

12 years 3 months ago

Thanks Ian. I'm in the habit

Thanks Ian. I'm in the habit of using the conjunction. I probably won't be so hard on it, as your rewrite wants me to. The disconnect, I feel, is not in the poem's best interest.

Nonetheless, the remarkable change does prove a strong point. You're not the first to note it.

I'll remove as many as I deem unnecessary. Thanks for pointing it out. :-)

Note how I avoided the word... *wink*

Ian.T

12 years 3 months ago

Was a little harsh on removing them all but what a joy to include the word "And" in some places LOL. I always thought a Conjunction was when my sat nav told me to go the wrong way at a cross roads.
Take care Yours Ian.T

William Saint George

12 years 3 months ago

Being harsh is much better.

Being harsh is much better. Any good poet should know how to take harsh critique.
Your help is most welcome, any day.

godshouldnthave

12 years 3 months ago

Great write.

But instead of pills....you should eat some mushrooms and look into a mirror. You might find that gorgons are gorgeous creatures after all. Maybe you have just been programmed to think they are hideous. What would you do with a finish line anyways?

_Danny

William Saint George

12 years 3 months ago

Thank you Sir

I'm ok without mushrooms for now. :) Yes, we've been programmed to think they are hideous. We can be programmed to think of them as angels :)

A finish line is where this race finally ends, and we can sit back and watch the others do what we've done. It's rest and respite Danny, what we want.

Thanks for your comment.

Frenchf

12 years 3 months ago

Oh gosh so fantastic

Really like all the images a Nd they were unbelievably harsh but true. Thanks or no thanks?

William Saint George

12 years 3 months ago

Thanks :)

Rula

12 years 3 months ago

perfect

Scenes of life's dilemma. Who's NOT in?
Bravo!!

William Saint George

12 years 3 months ago

Thank you Rula

I'm glad you liked it. "Scenes" tells me you thought the imagery was good enough to describe life's dilemma. This is when I get very honest with my poetry.