The Place

This is a beautiful love poem. The only crit is the third line, where you write and it it shines and it glows, i think one or the other would be enough. Maybe.. And it glows to light our way, like a valley full of stars. That's only my thinking, either way it's still very good. Regards Roscoe...

carve=block out, chip, chisel, cleave, dissect, dissever, divide, engrave, etch, fashion, form, grave, hack, hew, incise, indent, insculpt, model, mold, mould, pattern, rough-hew, sculpt, shape, slash, slice, stipple, sunder, tool, trim, whittle may help in avoiding repetition of carve
may be first could be
carve a niche
no need of capitalizing all first letters as computer dictates please see if this is a wee bit better

Love has carved a niche for you,
deep into my heart,
it shines
as it glows,
like a valley full of stars,
time has claimed a space for you, ..((((did you mean flame?...instead of space...
burning? in my chest,
as it warms me like an ember,
I find comfort and rest,
my eyes are heavily laden,
with dreams yet to be,
sleep wakes me from my wanting,
a gentle rocking like the sea
filling the chambers of my being,
with emotions so strong and true,
fueling the fire of the space,
in the place,
love sculpted out for you.

Please do pardon me
if I have exceeded my brief.

Today I was walking high in the forests of Norway when I saw a tiny ring shaped piece of wood, it was covered in diamonds of ice, nowhere round about was any sign of frost, the sun glinted on this tiny object and it made me smile, your poem made me smile too, at your valley of stars, a much larger object but just as delicious.

This poem, for me, has explanations here and there which I think should be together, in other words I would like the imagery and meaning sorted a little bit.

Glows and burning, fuelling the fire...I don't know but if these elements were closer together it would make a neater experience of the poem. Possibly its a sonnet, I don't know about such, but I like it a lot, something just made me write this.

The fire of the space, in the space?

Hope you know what I mean,
Yours Ann of Norway.

'Love has carved a place for you,
... And it warms me like an ember,
... Fueling the fire of the space,
In the place,
Love carved out for you....'

i've just picked out my favourite parts - but i love the whole thing
it is so gentle with great word usage and rhyme that's 'not in one's face' so to speak

great alliteration with
'Sleep wakes me from my wanting
'fueling the fire'

i really enjoyed this write
thanks for sharing
love judy

I love a good love poem, because there are so few of them in this world. Yours is not only good, but exceptional! I am entranced with these lines:

My eyes are heavily laden,
With dreams yet to be,
Sleep wakes me from my wanting,
A gentle rocking like the sea,
Filling the chambers of my being,
With emotions so strong and true,
Fueling the fire of the space,
In the place,
Love carved out for you.

I have no suggestions, only a deep appreciation for the work.

always, Cat

There are so many beautiful lines in this write i can't choose which ones are the best...the experience of love expressed beautifully...