scribbler

May 11, 2011 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

A PLACE NOW EMPTY

I made a final trip back there
through July woods and stifling heat,
a trek that used to be a treat
when made with somebody to share,
A type of place that's truly rare.

Remote yet not too far away
huge beaver ponds filled with wild bass
who seldom let any lure pass
especially on a sunny day
when breezes made the cat tails sway.

Legs tripped over logs submerged,
hidden under the translucent surface
causing a slow and careful pace
no matter how the wander lust urged
or what types of snakes emerged.

The fishing wasn't the main thing
there were frog symphonies and soaring birds,
solitude and peace surpassing words,
listening to the peepers sing,
watching blue cranes take to wing.

But this last trip to where nothing is tame,
my brother now gone to different shores,
up there where the lone hawk soars,
this final time, alone, I came
somehow it doesn't seem the same.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: South Carolina, United States, USA

Favorite Poets: Frost, Burns, Longfellow, Poe, and Johnson. I guess you've noticed these are all past masters. Other than folks on site I don't read any contemporary poets .

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

scribbler

14 years 2 months ago

hi Lonnie

This old fart only gets older with age LOL.. Always a pleasure when you drop by............stan

weirdelf

14 years 2 months ago

Ah, Stan,

Correct me if I have forgotten one or two, but your poems always lack oomph to me.
In you almost incessant blog about freeform versus classical your every comment had a subtext that rhyming classical poetry was better than freeform. But it ain't. It only provides pastorals, niceness and over-used rhymes.

Nice is nice.

I would dearly love to hear you write an angry free-form about social issues. If only to show that you don't limit yourself to poetry forms and conservative politics.

scribbler

14 years 2 months ago

Tell you what

I Do write a few free verse, but if you insist on one with anger check out"False Recovery" and "American Dream" then you take your choice and I'll write an angry free form version of whichever one you choose. There's a catch though heh,heh. YOU must also leave your comfort zone and write a pastoral rhyming poem. This could be fun for us both. Up to it? PS I have so far limited myself to Haiku, free verse, sonnet, concrete, and free verse with form amplification, Oh! almost forgot acrostic. Now I realize I've been writing an entire year, but still think that ain't all that bad OOPS, also might mention I invented Rhyku and parallel poetry

weirdelf

14 years 2 months ago

Well put!

And challenge accepted!

However it may take a while because I am going to be up to my ears in a pool full of circling sharks!

scribbler

14 years 2 months ago

no rush

We both have busy schedules. Gonna be fun seeing how we each do won't it?...............stan

weirdelf

14 years 2 months ago

Now Rosina, that is just so unfair.

If you had access to my "body of work" you will see that I write eclectically, from harsh truths to a spiritual appreciation of truth and beauty.

I thought we sorted this out in our last exchange? You seem to take exception to so much I say, until I explain it to you.

Are we all not damaged to some extent? And do we not survive by finding truth and beauty? Well I do, anyway, without poking my nose into perceived slights on other people.

scribbler

14 years 2 months ago

hello Rose

Jess has just made a classic mistake. He assumes the reason I write the way I do is because I can't write any other way. I write what I write by choice and try more things than he thinks lol........stan

weirdelf

11 years 1 month ago

Fair cop, Stan

you are right, I have seen your brave forays into other forms, sometimes very effective.

scribbler

11 years 1 month ago

Hi

Thanks. I sometimes get the feeling that I'm looked down on for being "just" a rhyming poet.......stan

judyanne

14 years 2 months ago

this is so sad stan

i really like the rhythm and rhyme - none seems at all forced - it read very smoothly

i just love the finish - so so sad....
'this final time, alone, I came
somehow it doesn't seem the same' - so true

(lol - aren't we a funny animal - enjoy being made sad!!!)

love and hugs
judy

scribbler

14 years 2 months ago

hello

I only went back to those beaver ponds we used to fish once since my brother died. Partly due to deteriorating knee.Mainly because of another type pain. In my poem I intended to show my own sadness at no longer being able to share those excursions with him, not to make others sad.............................stan

judyanne

14 years 2 months ago

that's what good poetry is about scribbler

to have other's experience your emotions and thoughts
you did a great job here
love judy

scribbler

14 years 2 months ago

hello

Thank you Ian..............stan