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Jul 31, 2017
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Poem Timed
Your monocle swings in darkness,
a midnight paralytic. Your spreading veins
crack in kneaded winces of silence: recalling
you, or at least her round face in opal symmetry,
a braided moon. There is expanse
in this midnight ball and heuristic beauty;
A third you ciphers away for the slumping
ponds imagination can only torque; here!
Further back! I am glazing Dramamine
on your lips, you ask for motion sickness
and we are married in burning sheets
of microfilm, our mouths concordant
with Daylight Robbery Time, spoken
in the hour we made you orange with,
your movements confused, eyes glazed.
“Don’t be a Debbie Downer”, the second says,
shining in this in memoria. We will retain the carnie
bond here, to hold one another in vainglory,
to cut and copy nature’s photoshop. We are
dead in the exile, here in this perfect memory
of anonymity, guided by nothing but the sutured
About This Poem
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Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
riotface97
7 years 11 months ago
Hey Fink,
Out of curiosity, do you listen to Modest Mouse I ask only as their song Dramamine also inspired me to use the drug in prior poems and the word does have some sort of ethereal quality to it in my opinion. Loved that line as a whole, btw, "glazing Dramamine" was really beautiful. What's the justification for the format, by the way? Is it something you've used in the past, or are trying out here?
I'm probably the wrong person to offer feedback for this poem, as I have the attention span of a goldfish. In saying that, I will still offer that the single stanza format didn't seem to add anything to the piece. I feel like it doesn't give the lines and thoughts in the piece the recognition they deserve. You write incredibly beautifully. The section about burning sheets of microfilm was absolutely breathtaking. Just my opinion, but I believe these images deserve separation. They're that good. As always, a pleasure to read.
Nicholas.
fink555
7 years 11 months ago
Not
really, no. Modest Mouse came about during the time of official hipsterism and unlike Nirvana or Soundgarden, I never cared for them. I don't have any justification for the format. Thank you--the microfilm is my favorite too.