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Feb 04, 2025
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Portent Of Portals (updated 02-05-25)
On the absolute highest foothill
of the Dragon Bone Mountain,
she came to lay on grasses green
gazing into the crystal fountain.
A study of lake mirroring bluest sky,
all her dreaming days crystalline clear
gazing upon her hopes and dreams
without fear a heart young and pure.
knowing exactly where her destiny would lead
as she smiled she vowed to follow.
Her mind and thoughts highly focused,
she pursued not the sparrow, but the swallow.
This path lead to heart's contentment
she knew with all her tender senses,
he would be there at her trail's ending
they'd build a home hedged by painted fences.
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
neopoet
4 months 3 weeks ago
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Portent Of Portals" presents a narrative of a young woman on a journey, with a strong focus on imagery and symbolism. However, the poem could benefit from a more consistent rhythm and meter to enhance its musicality and readability.
The first stanza sets a vivid scene with strong imagery, but the rhythm is inconsistent, which can disrupt the flow of the poem. For example, the first line has nine syllables, the second line has seven, the third line has six, and the fourth line has seven. A more consistent syllabic count could improve the rhythm.
The second stanza introduces a character and her dreams, which are symbolized by the "lake mirroring bluest sky". This metaphor could be expanded upon to give the reader a deeper understanding of the character's hopes and dreams.
The third stanza introduces the concept of destiny and the character's determination to pursue it. The use of the sparrow and swallow as symbols is intriguing, but could be more clearly defined to enhance the meaning of the poem.
The fourth stanza concludes the poem with a hopeful vision of the future. The phrase "painted fences" is a strong image, but it could be more effectively tied to the rest of the poem.
Overall, the poem has a strong narrative and vivid imagery, but could benefit from more consistent rhythm and clearer symbolism.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Triskelion
4 months 3 weeks ago
Hi Cat!
.. I really enjoyed the theme in this piece. I was about to ask Geezer about you the other day, when like magic, you posted. I enjoyed the imagery in this one, especially laying on the green foothills of a dragon bone mountain. It immediately brought me to those fantastic days of dragons and maidens in distress. The daydream theme was carried well throughout all the way to a present day pondering of painted fences.
The meter could use a little work, but overall, it is very enjoyable.
Cheers!
Thomas
Candlewitch
4 months 3 weeks ago
Dear Thomas
Thank you for telling me of you enjoyment, it really made my day! I really brightened up by reading your comment. I have a bit of work to do on this poem, such as punctuation and I will do so tomorrow. I appreciate you,
best wishes and sunbeams, Cat
Unca Fez
4 months 3 weeks ago
Some Minor Suggestions
Overall, great imagery. I can see the pictures that you are painting.
I would suggest the following changes to the third stanza:
so she smiled as she vowed to follow
her mind and thoughts highly focused
becomes:
she smiled, vowing to follow
her focus was laser-sharp
Candlewitch
4 months 3 weeks ago
Dear Heart,
I always look forward to your suggestions. Thank you.
much love, (the) Cat
Rula
4 months 3 weeks ago
Hello dearest Candle
This is absolutely my favorite of yours..
The opening lines set well the scene for the reader. The rest of the piece took me there with you and I'm not disappointed.
Great job out here. We missed you dear and wish to read more of your poetry.
Thank you for sharing.
Candlewitch
4 months 3 weeks ago
My dear friend,
Sweet Rula,
thank you so much for reading and leaving me a lovely comment. I highly value your input. I have more work to do on this poem, it needs punctuation, something I have to work at. I will do so now. I appreciate our friendship.
your Candle xxx
Ruby Lord
4 months 3 weeks ago
Hi Cat, your poem reads like
Hi Cat, your poem reads like a beautifully painted dream. The quiet strength of your female character shines through every line. It left me with a sense of peace and hope. Well done, Ruby xx
Candlewitch
4 months 3 weeks ago
Dear Ruby,
I am so glad you enjoyed this poem! Thank you for visiting and leaving me a sweet comment. I appreciate you!
love, Cat xxx
Lavender
4 months 2 weeks ago
Portent of Portals
Hello, Cat,
So good to be reading your poetry again! An omen, change coming, a sense of good fortune and love. Much to like within this magical piece!
Thank you!
Lx
Candlewitch
4 months 1 week ago
Dear Lavender,
I am coming upon your response late. I am sorry, but my fibromyalgia has been hitting me hard recently. All I want to do is sleep... thank you so much for reading and commenting, it is appreciated greatly!
xxx fondly, Cat
RoseBlack
4 months ago
I think
I like Dragon Bone Mountain- I wonder if they have any vacancies? Great use of imagery and fantasy. The image of her waiting for her partner, knowing he would be there was very powerful.
Candlewitch
4 months ago
Dear Carrie,
Thank you for reading and responding. Maybe construct a grand hotel in the Dragon Bone Mountains?
much love, Cat