potted plants

hapless indulgences
animated silences
quiver

hankered imagination
ambiguous synapses
quibble

each way you turn
each thought you churn
new lessons learn

potted flower plants
line your driveway
mind you don't crush them

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: West Moreton, AUS

Favorite Poets: There is nothing quite as boring as a life completely devoid of shadows.

Comments

neopoet

2 months 4 weeks ago

Neopoet AI - version 2.0

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "potted plants" explores themes of indulgence, silence, imagination, and the delicate balance of life. The use of contrasting imagery between the animated silences and quivering indulgences creates a sense of tension and introspection. The juxtaposition of hankered imagination and ambiguous synapses adds depth to the exploration of thought processes and creativity. The cautionary tone in the final lines about the potted flower plants lining the driveway serves as a metaphor for being mindful of one's surroundings and actions. Consider further developing the connections between the different elements in the poem to enhance the overall coherence and impact of the piece.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Geezer

2 months 4 weeks ago

I kind of get it...

I do believe that you are expressing the nuances of a relationship that seems to be going nowhere. I'm not sure about the potted plants that line the driveway. I don't know if the admonishment against crushing the plants is meant for the author or the resident.

Depending on the direction of the poem, your title could be good.
Your language use is alright.
The theme is one that anyone might identify with, [if I'm right about it.]
Appeal is ehhh... But might be more if the effort was better understood.
Likewise with the beginning and ending of the poem and internal logic.
~ Geezer.
.

Frederick Kesner

2 months 3 weeks ago

Thank you for giving this

Thank you for giving this poem a fair go. Too bad it wasn’t much on the appealing side of things.

Ruby Lord

2 months 4 weeks ago

Hi Cryptic, at first, I

Hi Cryptic, at first, I couldn’t find a way into this piece, but on re-reading, it feels like a mind in disarray, a mind that’s asking for attention. The silences, the quivers, the quibbles, these feel like the very places where meaning is stirred. There’s also the revelation of the final image. The potted plants lining the driveway, as if our small attempts to grow or hold ourselves together are always at risk of being crushed. The poem sits between the tension of care and failure. Ruby xx

Frederick Kesner

2 months 4 weeks ago

Hello Ruby Lord, so glad you

Frederick Kesner

2 months 4 weeks ago

Hello Ruby Lord, so glad you

Hello Ruby Lord, so glad you didn’t give up the first time. The surrealistic and disjointed beginning stanzas were indeed meant to point toward the disarray that you were just describing. The driveway also gives a bit of an idea, whether stepping out of the house or driving back in. I’m so glad too that you got the undercurrent of tension through the lines. Thank you so much.