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Simon
Simon
Jan 20, 2025 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Power

A mantle in the sea
many contestants see
something sweeter
something smoother
somehow sour
sometimes bitter
everyone wants it
it's very toxic
so intoxicating,
power.

we all like it's taste
we call it luxury
some call comfort
yes, it's a heaven
it's a paradise
a place for champions
a staff to control
a maze of honor,
power.

a rod men crave for
striving to out stand
fighting to sustain
doing all it takes
working ways in
walking miles away
doing impossibles
sacrificing to satisfy
all for power.

power is wonderful
it's dangerous
it's a death race
evil and demonic
power is taking not giving
it's a law of nature
but perversion.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: This poem portray the characteristics been displayed by the people in higher orthorities.

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Nigeria , abuja

Favorite Poets: Any good poet of my likening

More from this author

Comments

neopoet

neopoet

5 months 1 week ago

Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Power" effectively conveys the allure and dangers associated with the concept of power. The imagery of a "mantle in the sea" and the contrasting descriptions of power as both sweet and toxic create a vivid portrayal of its complexities. The repetition of the word "power" throughout the poem emphasizes its significance and impact on individuals.

However, there are areas where the poem could be strengthened. Consider exploring more varied and nuanced descriptions of power to provide a deeper understanding of its multifaceted nature. Additionally, the poem could benefit from further development of its structure and flow to enhance the overall impact on the reader.

Overall, the poem effectively captures the paradoxical nature of power, but further refinement in language and structure could elevate its impact even more.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Lavender

Lavender

5 months 1 week ago

Power

Hello, Simon,
The love for and the abuse of power. I like the language, "... a place for champions, a staff to control, a maze of honor..." I can feel the intensity and thought within this.
Thank you,
L

R

Ray Miller

5 months 1 week ago

Power

Enjoyed the read. Maybe a stanza too long. I've never come across "besee" before. What's wrong with "see"? Should be "its taste". Should it be "stand out" rather than "out stand"?