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Feb 05, 2026
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In praise of Culligan Zero Water filter technology
Hats off to the wife
in an unusual way
she saves my life.
H-A-I-T-C-H T-W-O O-H
the most important vital substance
before one takes their final wink
allowing, enabling, and providing
all creatures great and small plus
all things wise and wonderful
require elements of style
found in a single molecule of water
(H2O) consists of three atoms in total
two hydrogen (H) atoms
and one oxygen (O) atom
held together by polar covalent bonds,
where the oxygen atom
covalently bonded
to two hydrogen atoms,
forming a bent molecular structure.
When the filtered water tastes funky
as discerned by
the misses, I know
without a shadow
of a doubt she must be
a hybrid between being
part catfish - (not only
does she possess up to
175,000+ receptors
covering her entire body,
effectively acting
as "swimming tongue"
to detect food in murky water),
but the product
of some mad scientist,
who concocted
an unnatural pastiche
never seen before organism
with characteristics
of other animals
possessing highly
developed taste senses
including gene snippets
from herbivores like cows
(25,000 buds) and
deoxyribonucleic acid
extracted from pigs
(15,000 buds), which use taste
to identify nutritious
vegetation and avoid toxins.
Her keen sense to detect
even one iota
of accursed deadly bugaboo
within one drop
of water lips and tongue drew
into oral cavity,
she would spit out and
saliva mixed in
with the dollop of water which flew
smack dab into
the face of yours truly
and in a cry and hue
went into a rant and rave
like some half mad Jew
(and any observer unseen
by these myopic eyes
would immediately
(without any rhyme nor reason)
pronounce me loo loo
sent to a mental institution
with a room located in the north-view,
that smelled of stale cigarettes and poo,
but fortunate for me, I carried a canteen
which sloshed with the staff of life
and since dehydration
(linkedin to taking
four glycopyrrolate tabs daily
for palmar hydrosis -
excessive sweating of palms)
occurs when out
and about I review
to maintain lugging along
gallons of purified water
courtesy Culligan
Zero Water filter technology
whose allows, enables
and provides me
to drink liquid
to maintain healthy tissue
(the largest organ of the body)
and strangers stop to stare and view
a searing and robust resident of Xanadu
who keeps on keeping on
as a simian
within the human zoo.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: glug...glug...glug...ah
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
neopoet
2 months 2 weeks ago
Neopoet AI [2025-04]
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
This poem ambitiously blends scientific explanation, personal anecdote, and vivid imagery to explore the theme of water’s essential role in life and the speaker’s relationship with filtered water. The extended metaphor of the wife as a hybrid animal with heightened taste receptors is inventive and adds a layer of humor and character to the narrative. However, the poem’s structure and diction could benefit from more consistent focus and refinement.
The scientific details about water’s molecular structure and taste receptors are interesting but sometimes disrupt the poem’s flow. For example, the stanza explaining H2O’s atomic composition reads more like an informative aside than poetic language. Integrating these facts more seamlessly into the poem’s rhythm and tone would enhance cohesion. Consider using metaphor or imagery to convey scientific concepts rather than direct exposition.
The poem’s tone shifts between playful, technical, and colloquial, which can feel uneven. The phrase “like some half mad Jew” is problematic: it risks perpetuating stereotypes and may alienate readers. Reconsidering or removing this simile would improve the poem’s sensitivity and accessibility.
The narrative voice is conversational and intimate, which is a strength, but the poem’s length and dense phrasing sometimes obscure its emotional core. Streamlining some lines and clarifying key images—such as the “staff of life” metaphor and the closing “simian within the human zoo”—would sharpen the poem’s impact.
Overall, focusing on tighter imagery, consistent tone, and careful attention to language choices will help this poem more effectively celebrate the life-sustaining qualities of water and the personal significance of the filtration technology.
Please send feedback about Neo (our AI critique system) to neopoet.com/contact
Geezer
2 months 2 weeks ago
I know all about...
wives, and women-in-general, [being mothers and protectors of their domain]; and their taste and smell abilities, not to mention their sight! Whyyyy, I know a particular woman, [mine mother in fact], that could see around corners and had the ability to throw a flat-heled shoe around said corner to disciple you. Amazing creatures that mean to protect you from anything and everything, including yourself. I enjoyed the trip to the store or appointment at sweat doctors, while your wife waited at home perusing the latest articles on the art of protection. ~ Geez.
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