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Nov 04, 2022
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Primal
Meet me forever
where loves intertwine
My ever full cup
Keeps me drunk on your wine
Clouds roll exposing
Pale light of your moon
Now I’m shapeshifting
My senses in tune
I smell and I taste
Your breath on the air
Quiet and confident
Lacking in fear
Query now sight locked
I’m in for the kill
So long until next time
My cup needs a fill
About This Poem
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
Lavender
2 years 8 months ago
Primal
Hi, Tim,
I am not fully certain of the intent of the poem, but it absolutely feels primal. I am intrigued!
L
Rosewood Apothecary
2 years 8 months ago
Think sexual attraction
But like the song “Hungry Like the Wolf.”
Lavender
2 years 8 months ago
Yes!
That's primal! I especially like using "shapeshifing." It adds to the imagination. A wild final line.
L
RoseBlack
2 years 8 months ago
The element of raw attraction
Such a pure, often impulsive emotion. Another fantastic write.
Geezer
2 years 8 months ago
I thought of...
the shapeshifting as tuning your senses to the right mood, like a mating pair, instead of wild impulsive ravaging. Unless of course, that is the nature of the beast. Interesting thoughts! Your title brought me in, the pace was fast, and the theme intriguing! ~ Geez.
.
Candlewitch
2 years 8 months ago
dear Tim,
I hear the melody of a love song within your lines. very colorful language stirs the imagination. I would dearly love to hear the resulting effort of creative energy.
*hugs, Cat
ever, eddy
*