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Jul 07, 2016
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PRISONER OF WAR
Marching,
Foots strangling every strand of grass,
Arms breaking through the wind,
Hands changed into fists,
Eye sockets only fixed on a skull,
A barricade of unseen lines demarcates each group,
Sweat creates a path on their mundane skins
And their ‘Kaki’ sucks it up and having no hope
Of getting back to their wardrobe,
For it is heading to the battle ground
With its owner,
To live,
To die
With him,
Whether he conquers,
Whether he suffers defeat,
Whether the innocent blood
On it is condemned to Hades or not;
Or whether it will be torn apart by bullets,
Bullets which will take it owners’ life too,
Bullets that will send him to hell,
To Hades,
To that dark auditorium
Where the commander,
The killer,
The killed
Will remain.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: please read this poem with the thought of the irrelevance of war. Thank you.
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction: Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Zahab-menorah
8 years 12 months ago
the body of my poem
you can comment freely on how you feel the poem is.
Zahab-menorah
8 years 12 months ago
how is the body of my poem
please feel free to criticize
jane210660
8 years 12 months ago
Hi and welcome to Neopoet.
I found your poem quite shocking - shocking in a good way though.,
I mentioned on another poem, war is outside my direct experience. I live on a small farm in the North of England, our lives to date have not been touched by the worst horrors of this world. That does not mean I don't care. By reading your poem, I learn what it feels like to march to a battle, where the outcome, whatever that maybe is unjust, where any real hope of living has gone.
Carry on writing and telling the rest of the world, we need to be told.
Sounds a bit crass after such a momentous poem, but did you mean foots, plural is feet. I know, I know, but I am a teacher :-) goes with the job:-)
Jxx
weirdelf
8 years 11 months ago
Powerful stuff, Zahab
As Jane said 'feet' rather than 'foots'. I'm wondering about the word 'auditorium', it implies the condemned get to speak to a silent, if judging, audience. Is that what you meant?
I look forward to more of your work and your feedback to others,
Sparrow
8 years 11 months ago
Zahab
War has no reason to be justified, no matter how many scream out from marked or unmarked graves shouting I did it for you.
Yet they went out and died for us because of others ways that threatened.
Where is a peace? where oh where is the mankind that can ever live in harmony?.
Someone must start a world movement but with humons it seems pointless.
Each day now in our living rooms we see pictures of death of beautiful children to old priests for what end???
Sorry I should not put the priest in the same sentence as the children it grates on some.
Go well and talk of life it would be better, but even then our poetry is tainted with the news we have each day and our feelings..
Yours Ian.T