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Aug 23, 2018
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A Pristine Day
As the fresh morning breaths
break through the silver sky,
entangled rococo threads
emulate a talisman;
an enchantment has just
presaged a new born day
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
raj
6 years 11 months ago
Hi Rula
The title is appropriate and as appealing as the poem as too the language. Honestly, I will need to check the meaning of rocco which I will do.
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Rula
6 years 11 months ago
Thank you dear raj
For the kind word and rococo was a typo.
raj
6 years 11 months ago
Oh Ok...then what was
Oh Ok...then what was supposed to be there in place of rocco?
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Rula
6 years 11 months ago
Rococo
^_^
raj
6 years 11 months ago
Oh...now I need to find out
Oh...now I need to find out what rococo means...will do that...
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Rula
6 years 11 months ago
I guess i need to change the word
Or add sth after to clarify the image....mmmm
Seren
6 years 11 months ago
Rula
This is short. Some would say a brief slice
Its beautiful. I cant see anything to change
Hugs Jayne x
Rula
6 years 11 months ago
Dearest Jayne
I have the intention to build on this one. Not sure which direction I'm taking it or it's taking me. Guess the coming days will show.
Thank you for giving this little piece such a kind visit.
Breakinglogic
6 years 11 months ago
I've read this about a dozen
I've read this about a dozen times over the last few hours. It's been growing on me since my first read, so I came back a few times. I don't know exactly what to say about it though. I really like the word rococo in there. And I'm not sure if you had "baroque" somewhere in there before or if I just thought of it because of rococo. But I like that too. Oops I think I'm just rambling . But I like this. It has a nice air to it. Seems like an opening to something more.
Rula
6 years 10 months ago
Hello raffy
Welcome to Neopoet. It's always great to meet new friends here.
I'm happy to know that you like this. I'm not sure about the word baroque, though.
I am thinking to add to this piece, but not sure where to go with it.
Much appreciate your kind visit.
lovedly
6 years 10 months ago
many a new child is born every morn
as is your poetry
a daily Inspiration
roccocco notwithstanding
leave it as it is
a mystery about any poetry is astounding
roccolilily
''you may perhaps delete the last word
'''day''
it is either understood
or
superfluous