alidzain

Feb 19, 2014 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

A Promise Of Love

Somewhere in the album of memories,
I keep the stories of a broken heart.
When the old love is betrayed, fades or dies,
it feels like my soul is torn apart

But patience and wisdom whisper to me
a promise I have always longed to hear,
that the dream of true love will never be
a lost cause i'll bear through my living years

As long as faith embraces true courage,
hope will be the flower blossomed anew
for those who really believe it exist,
passion will find a way, love will come true

So be brave dear heart , seek your priceless love
and when you find it here, you'll know its worth

About This Poem

Last Few Words: for everyone...

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: singapore, SGP

Favorite Poets: Emily Dickinson, Robert Frost, Sarojini Naidu and friends in Neopoet.

Comments

alidzain

11 years 4 months ago

Hi, everyone

I need help with the title.Any ideas?

Alid

Rula

11 years 4 months ago

khalid

I like this. You've set up the scene well and kept a logic consistency, but I'd like you to keep a smoother flow even if free verse. See if you can keep at least the same syllable count on each line.
And I thought the last stanza needs more work.

alidzain

11 years 4 months ago

Hi Rula

I've done as you have suggested. Even change the title. Not sure if the title works, though.

Alid

loved

11 years 4 months ago

faith embrace courage,

faith encourage( s)
or else
embraces courage
my take
you do what ever of it you can make

title maybe
;;;Unrequited Love'''

Rula

11 years 4 months ago

yes,

Loved suggestions are spot on
Thank you.

Seren

11 years 4 months ago

Alid

This is lovely I told you it would make a good poem :)

I agree with Rula on the last verse it needs a little more work

other than that you have done a good job

love and hugs JC xxx

alidzain

11 years 4 months ago

JC

What do you think of the new title?

Alid

raj

11 years 4 months ago

Alid

You have nicely used the album as a prop to set up your poem. However an Album in itself is a store of memories. Therefore, you need not use memories in the first line. I would like to re-visit this one and offer some suggestions. Let me give this one some thought...

Regards,

Race_9togo

11 years 4 months ago

Hi Alid

I like this, it's close to being a sonnet.

Stanza 1, line 3, should "die" be "dies"?

Stanza 3, line 2:

"hope will be the flower blossom anew"

might be

"hope will be the flower, blossomed anew,"

"hope will be the flower, blossoming anew,"

When I read this, I am reminded strongly of Kayaam, and fatalistic hope.

Most excellent.

alidzain

11 years 4 months ago

Hi Jim

pray tell, what is Kayaam?

Alid

Race_9togo

11 years 4 months ago

Hi Alid,

Omar Khayyam: 9th century Persian scientist, philosopher, and poet. He gave us much of modern algebra, wrote a lot about Sufism and Islamic theology, and gave us The Rubaiyat, probably his most famous collection of poetry, translated into English in the late 1800s.

alidzain

11 years 4 months ago

i see

thanks for the update.

Alid

alidzain

11 years 4 months ago

Hi, everyone

which one is better for the title, "Unrequited Love" or "A Promise Of Love"?

Alid

wesley snow

11 years 4 months ago

I'll make a grammatical suggestion.

When the old love is betrayed, fades or dies
(and) it feels like my soul is torn apart

The "and" is unnecessary as it does not add to the first part of the sentence. Put a comma behind "dies" and delete "and".
I think your title is fine.

alidzain

11 years 4 months ago

thank you, sir

thanks for the visit. I've edited it.

Alid