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S
scribbler
Feb 09, 2011 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

PROMISE OF SPRING (I'm gonna let ya'll title this)

Slogging through late winter wood
retrieving a hunting stand
since early autumn it has stood
guarding a view once grand

Damn! Stepped in an old stump hole
fell down and sprained my knee
I didn't say "Why bless my soul."
used a different type vocabulary

Man, the whole wide world looks dead
the only color's evergreen
beneath a sky as gray as lead
I wish that I was still a teen

Tramping in the dull brown leaves
flattened by a recent snow
I recall a rich and fragrant breeze
fall's glory seems so long ago

There's little chance I'll break a sweat
the forest's almost froze
inner child whines "Are we there yet?"
I should have worn some warmer clothes

Old legs tell me to take a rest
so I find and sit on a big stump
the view is good but not the best
my stand's on top of the next hump

In a bit the woods begin to stir
there goes a squirrel down yonder tree
a timber doodle flushes with a whir
is that a distant deer I see?

But, I don't have the entire day
it's far past half way done
best I get up and on my way
before I lose the warmth of sun

Still little color anywhere
as I crest the top of the last hill
Ah! Spring's promise over there
beneath my stand a blooming daffodil

Looking forward to hearing ideas for title................scribbler

About This Poem

Last Few Words: It seems that promise and spring were needed in title so here it is (with a few edits) thank you all

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Direction: How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: South Carolina, United States, USA

Favorite Poets: Frost, Burns, Longfellow, Poe, and Johnson. I guess you've noticed these are all past masters. Other than folks on site I don't read any contemporary poets .

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Comments

S

scribbler

14 years 5 months ago

hey shirl

thankfully I haven't stepped in a stump hole for a couple of years. Glad you enjoyed this write...............stan PS Daffodils and old farts......hmmm..............

Z

ziggy

14 years 5 months ago

hi there

hi for a title I was thinking of,,,,,,,steeping back ,,,,,,,or beneath ,,,,,,,,,or,,,,,, been here before ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,",I wish I was still in my teens" ,and this line "inner child whines "Are we there yet?",,, those lines had me thinking of those titles
and I thought this line offered some hope for the future at the ending of this write"Ah ! spring's( springs)? promise over there
beneath my stand a blooming daffodil" I liked this walk with your thoughts ............zigs

S

scribbler

14 years 5 months ago

hey zigg

I had actually considered Springs Promise but thought it would be fun to hear other peoples ideas. Glad you came along.............stan

S

scribbler

14 years 5 months ago

hi Rosi

Age is indeed a curse, but its a blessing to have a friend to point out my errors................stan PS I expect there are other ideas on their way so I'll wait a bit before editing

Nordic cloud

Nordic cloud

14 years 5 months ago

"The blooming daffodil day."

Stan smiling, I am! All this does for me, with that ending is remind me of my mother standing with her lover on a hill, with bluebells covering the ground, my mother and A not truly believing what they saw, as if it were a kind of heaven reflected to the earth. But then they were young and in love!

You are not so young as they, and here trip into the day with curse and fury at the damp and dark, and then the spark of yellow fills our minds as the ending comes, saving us from feeling depressed, so admirably done to ease us into old age.

I gave a title from me, ???
Love to you and I hope the knee is not playing up any more.
Ann.

S

scribbler

14 years 5 months ago

greetings

that title idea is a good one, but I'll wait a day or two to give anybody who is interested a chance to chip in. Thank you for coming by........................stan

S

scribbler

14 years 5 months ago

hello Roscoe

All that carrying and my back isn't even sore lol. Springs to Mind is a front runner, thanks..................stan

S

scribbler

14 years 5 months ago

hey Jim

you are the2nd person to suggest something like Spring's Promise. Maybe the beginning of a trend. Thanks for the read and suggestion.................stan

S

scribbler

14 years 5 months ago

hello Rosi

I had to let the thing gather a bit of moss then decide on title, and edit. I seldom leave anything alone for ever lol............stan

S

scribbler

14 years 5 months ago

hello shirley

I'll leave the part in parenthesis in the title a few days so that those who read it earlier will know it has been changed..................stan