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Oct 31, 2024
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Prophecy
In light of this earthly doom,
Future states all our fatal gloom.
From the depth of circus and crown,
Our lives come tumbling down.
Through woes of health and sorrows,
Time is alas so borrowed.
By choice of substance have we,
Over the fate of those who flee.
Yet our attention is diverted,
Away from all that's peverted.
From wars of dominance and greed,
We should care for those in need.
But the time's soon upon us,
When we'll know what's all the fuss.
As when the prince of thieves soars,
The celestial lion will roar.
And all earthy creation will bow,
Forgetting the woes of now.
When humanity can no longer defend,
Our final call will mark our end.
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
8 months ago
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Prophecy" is a reflection on the human condition and the potential end of humanity. It uses strong imagery and metaphors to convey its message. However, there are areas where clarity and consistency could be improved.
The poem's structure is generally consistent, with four-line stanzas and a rhyme scheme of ABAB. This provides a solid framework for the poem. However, the meter varies from line to line, which can disrupt the flow of the poem. Maintaining a consistent meter could enhance the rhythm and readability of the poem.
The poem's language is generally effective, with vivid imagery such as "the depth of circus and crown" and "the celestial lion will roar." However, there are instances where the meaning is unclear. For example, "By choice of substance have we, / Over the fate of those who flee" is ambiguous. Clarifying the intended meaning here could strengthen the poem's message.
The poem's theme of impending doom and human responsibility is powerful and thought-provoking. However, the connection between the different stanzas could be clearer. The transition from the discussion of societal issues to the prophecy of the end times is abrupt. Developing this connection more could enhance the poem's coherence and impact.
In conclusion, "Prophecy" is a compelling exploration of humanity's future. By improving clarity, maintaining a consistent meter, and developing connections between stanzas, the poem could be even more effective.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Angie S
8 months ago
The personifications
I like how "In light of this earthly doom" was used as light juxstaposes what doom stands for, it already speaks on the reality we live in. "From the depth of circus and crown,Our lives come tumbling down." This to me speaks on how unselective life is and that it happens to every Tom, Dick and Harry.
The last line in the second stands leaves(me) the reader wondering where others flee to.
The overall feel of this clean-cut beauty of a piece is that we have no time to waste on frugal things "our attention is diverted" we have forgotten what are our priorities are "From wars of dominance and greed,We should care for those in need."
I hope to read many more.
Tigger Kaz
8 months ago
Sorry if the following lines were vague
By choice of substance have we,
Over the fate of those who flee.
Those lines mean, that humanity can choose how it reacts to asylum seekers who flee wars or other crisis.
As here in Britain, our politicians have labelled these people as invaders. Which is disgusting really. Especially when it is there actions that caused people to be displaced in the first place.
Geezer
8 months ago
We choose...
in different ways, our manner of resistance to the spread of greed and subjugation. There are those who choose
to resist with violence, those who simply flee, and some who do not resist at all, but accept their fate. My way may not be your way. I accept that. I also accept that it is our duty as human beings, to support those who do resist with every means necessary to defeat those who violate the basic premise that everyone is created equal. I like your admonishment of
"Through woes of health and sorrows,
Time is alas so borrowed.
By choice of substance have we,
Over the fate of those who flee."
~ Geez.
.
mark
6 months 4 weeks ago
Written as an old prophecy
Totally fucked up (to me)
That's me lol
Well done!