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themoonman
themoonman
Dec 22, 2011 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

In protest to some modernist teachings

I wanna wing my abstractions in flared brushes
dipped in frightening rays of fiery flight
soaring above your passionless pit of poetic posturings
and shit some sense into your unopened view,
because We sir, are your peers!

I wanna misuse your precious language
until it's not only accepted, but expected.
I wanna fuck Plath in her silvery mouth
after pounding Ezra's stale metaphors
up his racist white ass, all while watching
your reactions, glory in your disgust and the
ill attempts to look away.

Turn your back if you will; but if you awaken
incredibly violated, my job was done.

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: South Carolina, United States, USA

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Comments

P

pleiades

13 years 6 months ago

in a piece with so much

in a piece with so much attitude and balls, i found
the ending sounded like grand-standing...a little
in the tone of that which this poem is slagging off...
however, that's just my ear.
though i think you could say it in a much
grittier, down-and-dirty way, i have nothing
better to offer, so take the crit as you will

apart from that,

...well... mr moonman, i do believe
i need a cigarette now...
(is it weird i found this exciting?)

HUGE kudos for this excellent piece,
and if i may borrow from kailashana...?

FUCK YEAH!

cheers
p

themoonman

themoonman

13 years 6 months ago

Hiya P...

You are so damn right about the ending, it was the one
part I wasn't happy with and now I know why, it really is
grand-standy, where's the grit ... I need to send it home on
that line and what I have doesn't quite cut it.

(thinking cap on now)

you need a cigarette (lol) ... well then!!!

weirdelf

weirdelf

13 years 6 months ago

yes, I may need a nice cup of tea and a little lie down myself.

I no longer call things 'ballsy' since I heard Betty White say “Why do people say "grow some balls"? Balls are weak and sensitive. If you wanna be tough, grow a vagina. Those things can take a pounding”. So this piece is vaginesque!

Got to agree with P. about the ending.

P

pleiades

13 years 6 months ago

a nice cup of tea and a

a nice cup of tea and a little lie down?...how very mummsy of you!
(i use variations of that saying myself...alot)

cacked myself over the betty white comment...that's mint, as my kids say
(big seal of approval)
balls/ ballsy are out...vaginesque it is!

cheers
p

Bonitaj

Bonitaj

13 years 6 months ago

Richard!

"my ill attempts to look away" failed indeed!
Duly drawn in and quartered! Loved it!
Happy Yule tide greetings too b.t.w.

themoonman

themoonman

13 years 6 months ago

Thanks Boni,

A happy late Yuletide to you!

I tried something different on the ending,
perhaps this has more kick in the pants so to speak (lol)

K

Kailashana2

13 years 6 months ago

By George, he's got it! (I

By George, he's got it! (I would use the present tense.. my job IS done)

Much love, moonman, you'll always be one of my heroes.

~A

themoonman

themoonman

13 years 6 months ago

Present tense it is

my hero walks beside me
pushing me along
she warns me of my failings
and finishes my song

a little ditty I just wrote

thanks Anna

China Blue

China Blue

13 years 6 months ago

Richard

All has been said previous to my reading this. Good Lord I wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of your wrath

well done
Chrys

S

scribbler

11 years 7 months ago

Hi Richard

LOVED the alliteration!. Sounds like somebody is getting tired of see peoply trying to fob off stanzafied prose as poetry. Great writing.............hmmm.......try substituting feathered for flared in line one and see what you think.................stan

Ian.T

Ian.T

11 years 7 months ago

Richard

Ian.T, Yenti, Sparrow, and friends are now huddled in a deep dark cave afraid to show themselves.
What have you done they had absolute fear in their eyes as they trooped in lol..
Great write and very vaginesque as seems to be the new word, I still have the old fashioned kit, and feel inadequate, Yours Ian.T