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Feb 04, 2025
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Pup party
I have a pup called Cyril,
Nicer than a box of frogs.
In order to show my love,
I invited lots of dogs
We had a puppy Party,
With many frivolous things,
And even birthday cake,
To hear them doggies sing.
Now Cyril was so happy,
With a frantic wagging tail.
All manner of chaos,
Unfortunately did prevail.
The cake, it was sent flying,
A hoot, I will confess.
But the sticky coated doggies,
Got wrapped around my dress.
In the midst of all this mayhem,
I felt like such a fool.
When I slipped upon confetti,
Into a pool of drool.
And never will I forget,
Dear Cyril's pup party.
For all it's fun and frolics,
Saw me choke on a blue smartie.
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
4 months 2 weeks ago
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Pup Party" is a narrative piece that uses humor and vivid imagery to create a lively and chaotic scene. The use of rhyme and rhythm is consistent throughout the poem, which helps to maintain the reader's interest and engagement.
However, there are a few areas that could be improved to enhance the overall quality of the poem. First, the poem could benefit from more precise language. For example, the phrase "all manner of chaos" is quite vague. It would be more effective to describe specific instances of chaos that occurred during the party.
Second, the poem could benefit from more varied sentence structure. The majority of the lines in the poem are of similar length and follow the same syntactical pattern. Varying the sentence structure could add a dynamic quality to the poem and make it more engaging to read.
Lastly, the poem's conclusion could be more impactful. The final line, "Left me choking on a smartie," is a humorous ending, but it doesn't necessarily tie the poem together or provide a satisfying resolution. Consider revising the conclusion to more effectively encapsulate the overall theme or message of the poem.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Ruby Lord
4 months 2 weeks ago
Great poem, made me smile to
Great poem, made me smile to think of your party and popping a blue smarty. There must be something to blue smarties I don't know about? I've looked it up and i understand now ha ha. Well done Ruby xx