Puppy Dog

Did I do it good enough?
Did I beat him down enough?
Did I shred his soul enough?
Was my tone sufficiently rough?

Aye my love

You saw the cut, done by me
You saw his pain, done with glee
Now I beseech, nay implore thee
Did he bleed enough?

Aye my love

Target hated?
Properly sated?
Sufficiently berated?
Now elated?
A question first, 'til you bleed for me, love:
Am I damned enough?

About This Poem

Last Few Words: For the brown-nosers in the world and those who support their quest to hurt. revision 3/9: incorporated Jess's suggestion for additional closing lines. I like the wording, but am not totally happy about the flow problem that it might have created. Any suggestions?

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: North Carolina, USA, USA

Favorite Poets: E.A. Poe, Lewis Carroll, Charles Bukowski, Michael McClure, Lawrence Ferlenghetti.

Comments

Race_9togo

14 years 3 months ago

Hello Jess,

No criticism, except I found the title a touch creepy, lol.
Good stuff, portraying a troll in such terms, well done.

weirdelf

14 years 3 months ago

Love the structure,

beautifully word-crafted. The emotional impact, wow! The vitriol is palpable!

You know I am going to be a cheeky bloody elf and suggest it could use two last lines, and even suggest what they could be.

And now my love
bleed for me.

infinite_dwarf

14 years 3 months ago

Thanks, gents.

This was actually written about several situations which had happen in the past. In short, a bully, and the woman who supported him, and praised him like a puppy. I suppose it could be extrapolated to include all people who hurt others just to make themselves feel important and try to justify their existence, attempting to feel good about themselves.

@ Jess T - you're more than welcome to add anything you like, you know that. I'd love to hear what you come up with! By the way, I love that Rushdie quote.