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May 03, 2012
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Purge
Reality is rattling;
forcing fondness and frustration
fo meet and mix,
a medley of memories
that doesn’t taste good
coming back up.
Months spent swallowing
prose and poetry
refusing to remember
aching to express
but unwilling
to see sorrow and smiles
cruelly combined.
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
judyanne
13 years 5 months ago
hello
nice alliteration with the 'm's and 'f's in
'reality is rattling;
forcing fondness and frustration
fo meet and mix,
a medley of memories'
however
one suggestion
instead of
'coming back up'
would you consider 'regurgitated'
- it would also fit well with the 'r' alliteration
grammar
'doesn't' should probably be 'don't'
i really like
' Months spent swallowing
prose and poetry
refusing to remember
aching to express'
love judy
Kailashana2
13 years 5 months ago
Good bones here.
Good bones here.
I add : sickeningly sweet instead of "that doesn't taste good" which then goes well with the following "spent swallowing". I'd also add "rattling to unwilling and rattling, for effect.c
Btw, you know why I read your poem? Your namesake, 73littlepeople~~
~A