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Mar 13, 2025
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Purim
There is lots of news
about the Jews
just as there was
in Shushan
in ancient Persia.
We told the story
of the Jewish glory
and the adventures
of Esther and Mordechai.
Mark spoke to us
about the fuss
and troubles caused by Haman.
Let's banish the name
with noise and shame.
It's a tale
we know so well.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: I am responding to your challenge Geezer. I wrote a poem in rhyme, as you suggested in your previous comment about Chess. I just returned from the synagogue after hearing the Megillah Esther. Purim is a very fun festival, but with a serious touch to it. The Persian King, egged on by his antisemitic advisor, tried to kill the Jews in ancient Persia. So, everyone dresses up in something or just wears a mask, and then we eat and drink ( usually either soda water or whisky). Still another night of this, with a very clever young man reading out and singing the words of the Megillah ( story) Esther.
Review Request Direction:
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
neopoet
4 months ago
Neopoet AI - version 2.0
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Purim" effectively captures the essence of the Purim story with its references to the events in Shushan, ancient Persia, and the characters of Esther, Mordechai, and Haman. The use of simple language and straightforward storytelling helps convey the narrative clearly. However, the poem could benefit from more vivid imagery or descriptive language to enhance the reader's engagement with the story. Consider incorporating sensory details or figurative language to create a more immersive experience for the audience. Additionally, exploring different poetic devices such as metaphor or symbolism could add depth and complexity to the poem. Overall, expanding on the poetic elements used could elevate the impact of the piece.
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