Candlewitch

Jan 05, 2023 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

This poem is part of the challenge:

January 2023 Challenge Push Me

(Read More...)

Push Me!

I feel hot breath
on the back of my neck,
it can only bring about your death
your steam will not spur me.

Your fingers in my back
only cause me to slow
as I feel you, the hack
lose bravado and crack.

So don't push me punk.
Best you haul ass
take your trash and "junk"
on down the road!

In younger years
I've been you...
Got my scars, cried hot tears
learning new fears.

So take it down the road
find a spot to dump it,
before it becomes a heavy load
and a detriment you can't lose.

Words of wisdom don't ignore...
trust a helping hand,
it doesn't have to be a chore
you can make that distant shore!

About This Poem

Last Few Words: punctuated on: 10-23-2024

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Northwestern Wisconsin USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Edgar Allan Poe, William Blake, Bob Dylan, Tom Petty, Carlos Castaneda, Jim Morrison, the whole of Neopoet and many more.

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

Lavender

2 years 5 months ago

Push Me

Hello, Cat,
I'm not certain of your intended antagonist here, but I know it speaks to me in the form of "perfection" which in my younger years, breathed down my neck. It certainly was "trash and junk". Very encouraging poem!
L
I believe "hall" should be "haul"?

Candlewitch

2 years 5 months ago

dear Lavender,

thank you for your eagle-eye in spotting that and for doing me the honor of reading and responding.

*hugs and love, Cat

Geezer

2 years 5 months ago

Sometimes...

the pursuer finds that they shouldn't have tried so hard
to catch the trouble that they have caught up with. I see this in you.
Good advice. Your word use is good, the pace is fast, and the theme is good too.
The advice in the end is friendly and offering to lend a helping hand.
~ Geez.
.

Candlewitch

2 years 5 months ago

Thank you dear Geezer...

Thank you dear Geezer...
you know me pretty well. I admire you for your astuteness and your eagle eye. I really appreciate your insights.

*hugs & love, Cat

RoseBlack

2 years 5 months ago

I would not

Want to be the person 'pushing' you! I enjoyed the fast pace, angry flow of this poem. Particularly the generous warning you gave them before....

Candlewitch

8 months 1 week ago

Dear Carrie,

I am sorry I missed this comment! It is only in researching it (for writing a sequel Push Me!2) that I found your response! Thank you so much, love and hugs, Cat

Unca Fez

8 months ago

Having Pushed...

Having been one of the "pushers" in younger years, I can attest to the scars (and not just hers!) Back then, we each had our "heavy load" of "trash and junk". Of course, they clashed. So I appreciate the recommendation to dump the load. We both did, eventually. Wisdom does not come easily or cheaply.

Thanks for the reminder that we really have come a long way. Nicely done.

Candlewitch

8 months ago

and it almost killed us.

and it almost killed us. Remember the heavy oak rocker which I threw, embedding it in the wall above the stairs? I am glad I did not throw it at you!

thanks for reading and commenting! love Cat xx