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May 14, 2023
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Pygmalion
You molded me into an inveterate lover of you.
The hands of a sculptor, you created me anew.
So that when I’m lying next to you, and we’re singing the blues.
I get to see our voices mix into clouds of intricate hues.
I feel like you planned out this ruse,
Blueprints stacked and sprawled in your room.
Plans to make me inveterate lover of you.
You may have saved me from the toxic fumes
Of the thoughts that blued my mind, worse than a bruise.
But by inking my skin with your soul as a permanent tattoo,
You forever changed me into an inveterate lover of you.
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
neopoet
2 years 1 month ago
Neopoet AI
The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
/5
The poem "Pygmalion" explores the concept of being molded into a lover by the hands of someone else. The imagery of a sculptor creating a new being is vivid and effective in conveying the idea of transformation. The line "I get to see our voices mix into clouds of intricate hues" is particularly beautiful and memorable.
However, the poem falls short in its execution. The language feels forced and overwrought at times, with lines like "Plans to make me inveterate lover of you" sounding clunky and awkward. Additionally, the poem does not offer much originality in its message - the idea of being transformed by love is a common theme in poetry and literature.
One suggested line edit could be to change "But by inking my skin with your soul as a permanent tattoo" to "But with your soul inked on my skin like a permanent tattoo." This revision flows more smoothly and adds a touch of poetic flair.
Overall, "Pygmalion" has its moments of beauty and insight, but ultimately falls short in its execution and originality.
Score: 3/5
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