Earn A Poem Workshop 1

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This poem is part of the challenge:

Qadesh Mistress of Pleasure.

She lurks in the darkness, waiting, waiting,
Patient as gold orb in her web;
I know she waits but dare not open
The door to the fate where I shall be led.

I close my eyes;
I close my mind;
But in the silence there I find
No solace from her piercing eyes
That stab the impenatrable with her lies.

I hear her speak soft to my soul
Command me clear her lust to feed,
Ope' the door, let desire take wing
My mistress sets my soul to sing.

I'm just a man so weak of will,
I'd take her flesh, fantasies fulfill,
Though the cost be high, my very soul,
I crave for the moment, lose all control.

So through the door my demon floats,
Canines sharp to pierce my throat,
To suck my life blood as I lie
Deep dying neath a mistress sly.

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: Isle of Wight United Kingdom

Favorite Poets: Poe, Swinburn, Bob Dylan, Spike Milligan, Alfred Noyes, Kipling., Many Others.

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Comments

Lavender

11 months 2 weeks ago

Hello, Alex,
I like the tempo of this - I can almost hear and feel the rhythm of ancient Egyptian drums. The language is very direct, and she is very forceful. Smooth blend of rhyming patterns.
Thank you,
L