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Jun 26, 2025
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Queria viver
Queria viver In the world That my Father made For us to live In it feeling blessed Every single day AIso, we are happy That our Father Made the beautiful world With his holy hands For us to live in it And after our Father Made us With his holy hands He had placed us In his world We don't live alone In my Father's world We have friends That is also living in My Father's world AIso, he made the four season's For us to live in it Now we are living In the Winter This is the season we just Hate the most We are not happy That we must live through the Winter We don't like the Winter At all The temperature keeps changing Every single day And also we are afraid To end up with a flu Also we are sad that the Birds had migrated south For the Winter We have no idea When our Father will Bring back for us the Spring
About This Poem
Last Few Words: That is a new poem Written by Aldo kraas
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
neopoet
3 months 2 weeks ago
Neopoet AI (premium) [2025-04]
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
This poem explores themes of creation, belonging, and the cyclical nature of seasons, with a particular focus on the discomforts of winter. The structure is free verse, with short lines and frequent repetition of phrases such as "my Father's world" and "his holy hands," which serve to reinforce the spiritual undertones and the sense of gratitude toward a creator figure.
The poem’s language is direct and unembellished, which lends a childlike sincerity to the speaker’s voice. This simplicity can be effective in conveying earnest emotion, but it also risks flattening the imagery and limiting the reader’s engagement. For example, the repeated references to "his holy hands" and "my Father's world" establish the spiritual framework, but without further sensory detail or metaphor, the world described remains abstract rather than vividly realized.
The shift in tone when addressing winter is notable. The poem moves from gratitude and happiness to discomfort and mild distress, highlighting the contrast between the idealized creation and the lived reality of seasonal hardship. The lines about birds migrating and the fear of flu introduce concrete details, but these could be expanded to deepen the emotional resonance. The poem expresses a longing for spring, but the anticipation is stated rather than evoked through imagery or metaphor.
The use of "AIso" instead of "Also" appears twice and may be a typographical error or an intentional stylistic choice; if unintentional, it distracts from the reading experience. The apostrophe in "season's" is also unnecessary.
Overall, the poem’s thematic intentions are clear, but the emotional impact could be strengthened by incorporating more specific, sensory details and by varying the language to avoid excessive repetition. Exploring the contrast between the speaker’s gratitude and their discomfort with winter through more nuanced imagery or metaphor could add depth and complexity to the piece.
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