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Quiet of an early morning

Before the onset of morning rush hour
while the beasts of burden
and engineers of civilization still slumber
in their respective man/woman caves
analogous to a hushed puppy,
whose faux pas
(four paws) involuntarily twitch
dreaming of jump/kick starting
another round of catch
with their master
or gamely frolicking
with no bone to pick
atavistically running
against the wind with the pack.

Though the advent of spring
just around the figurative corner
brisk temperatures
still prevail at dawn and dusk
herald by Jeeves weather
more in-sync with incipient early Autumn
here within southeastern
Montgomery County, Pennsylvania,
encompassing quite a geographic swath
bordering Philadelphia County
to the southeast,
including areas like Lower Merion,
Cheltenham, and Abington townships,
forming the southeastern boundary
of Montgomery County
within the larger Delaware Valley region,
plus this area characterized by integration
into the Philadelphia metropolitan area,
with significant towns and communities
that are well-connected to the city
by its transit and road networks.

Suburban sprawl punctuated
courtesy vinyl city,
which list of contractors
each left their respective
swiftly tailored, harried style signature,
yet none of these tract housing domiciles
can't hold a candle
to the original oldest buildings
or those individually built
with formal gardens
and a (whoa man) manse size property,
whereby each majestic residence
possessed that je nais se qua
unique characteristic and personality
one mansion in particular
originally named Glen Elm
and then encompassing
about The Hundred Acre Wood
constituted the house at Pooh's corner,
(which included about a half dozen acres),
I spent the majority
of my growing up years
(actually initially constructed
as a summer getaway
(thus no contrivances to heat the mansion)
for the Leiper's approximately,
(not to be redundant nor repetitive)
circa 1910 long since razed
from the roof possibly fifteen years ago,
now occupied with McMansions
that appeared to sprout along Stella's Way
a paved road formerly the gravel driveway
coming to a dead-end
where the abode once stood
housing the Harris family,
who moved there February 28th, 1968.

Stimmler, one of the countless
home heating oil delivery company
resumed making their rounds
and topped off the furnace
when cold air seeped
throughout the domain
once a majestic place away from the city
surrounded with ample trees
that initially and imperceptibly
segued into a colorful picture of nature
for an artist or photographer
as the temperature
dipped below the comfort zone,
and father bolstered the wood pile,
that amassed into quite a sizable stack
(according to my humble opinion)
when summertime blues
(referring to the negative emotions,
like sadness, depression, and irritability,
that some people experience
during the summer months,
often linked to Seasonal
Affective Disorder (SAD),
nevertheless nature presented
a splash of the three
most common fall leaf colors
being red, yellow, and orange,
which colors revealed
as the leaves break down
their green chlorophyll,
unmasking pre-existing carotenoid pigments
(yellow, orange, and brown)
and, in some species,
forming new anthocyanin pigments
(red, purple, or blue)
exhibiting change because
decreasing daylight hours
and cooler temperatures
signal trees to stop producing chlorophyll,
the green pigment that masks other colors,
which process of leaves changing color
in the fall called senescence,
a natural cycle triggered
by shorter days and cooler temperatures
signaling deciduous trees
as iterated to stop
producing green chlorophyll
and reabsorb nutrients from their leaves
for winter dormancy,
and once the green pigment fades,
other colors—from yellow and orange
to vibrant reds
and deep purples—become visible.

Even as a skeptic yours truly experiences
an unbridled ecstasy
at the silent scenic explosion of grandeur
and prone to ejaculate
"oh...how resplendently
and heavenly divine
to be a sensate being
to bare witness to such beauty!"

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Region, Country: PA, USA

Favorite Poets: Robert Burns, Charles Dickens, Robert Frost, Matthew Scott Harris, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, Sylvia Plath, Gary Snyder, Henry David Thoreau, Walt Whitman

More from this author

Comments

neopoet

neopoet

1 month 1 week ago

Neopoet AI [2025-04]

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:

This poem ambitiously attempts to capture a richly detailed scene of early morning in a specific suburban setting, blending personal memory, natural observation, and local geography. The scope is broad, with a strong emphasis on descriptive detail and factual information, which creates a dense, almost prose-like texture.

Strengths: - The poem’s vivid imagery, especially in the depiction of nature’s subtle transitions (e.g., leaf senescence and pigment changes), shows a deep appreciation for natural processes and scientific detail. - The personal and historical elements (such as the description of the Glen Elm mansion and family memories) add a layer of intimacy and specificity that grounds the poem in lived experience. - Moments of lyrical expression, such as the closing lines, offer emotional release and contrast with the more factual passages.

Areas for improvement: 1. **Structure and Focus:** The poem’s length and density of information can overwhelm the reader. Consider tightening the focus by selecting fewer themes or details to explore more deeply. For example, the extensive geographic and historical information might be condensed or integrated more seamlessly into the emotional narrative.

2. **Tone and Consistency:** The poem shifts between conversational, scientific, and nostalgic registers, which can disrupt the flow. Striving for a more consistent tone or clearer transitions between these modes would enhance readability and emotional impact.

3. **Lineation and Pacing:** Many lines run long and read like prose, which diminishes the potential musicality and rhythm of the poem. Breaking lines more deliberately and varying line lengths could create more dynamic pacing and emphasize key images or ideas.

4. **Use of Metaphor and Symbolism:** The poem includes some metaphorical language (e.g., “beasts of burden and engineers of civilization” as people before morning rush hour), but these could be developed further to unify the poem’s themes and deepen its resonance.

5. **Clarity and Accessibility:** Some passages, particularly those heavy with technical or historical detail, may be difficult for readers to follow. Simplifying language or weaving explanations more naturally into the narrative could help maintain engagement.

Overall, the poem presents a rich tableau of place and time but would benefit from editorial focus to balance its descriptive ambition with poetic economy and emotional clarity.

Please send feedback about Neo (our AI critique system) to neopoet.com/contact

Geezer

Geezer

1 month ago

can hold...

Now that you have fixed that; I wanted to compliment you on the good feels that you created in your vision of the Great Northeast during the autumn scene. I live in the Mohawk Valley town of Amsterdam, N.Y. and you could be describing a fall day out amongst the local farming communities and see exactly that. Nicely done. ~ Geez.
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