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Jun 19, 2019
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The Quintessential Homecoming (June Contest)
BASHO'S FAMOUS HAIKU
ancient pond --
the frog jumps in
sound of the water
my poem inspired by Basho's:
THE QUINTESSENTIAL HOMECOMING
The sound of
A raindrop in water
Like finding kind
The quintessential homecoming story
It is the “fwooop!” of friendship
The serenade
That starts with surface tension
And ends in equal
Immersion
It doesn’t have the hubris
Of a fish’s splash
The royal rumble
Of a river over rocks
Or the whisper of a walrus
Underwater
It is lucid
Like a lover’s kiss
A tantalizing or tender touch
Like a saint meeting
The god of heaven
Or a wino the lip
Of his bottle
It is such a sweet embrace
The drop is willing
To evaporate
Die and rise
Travel a thousand miles from home
Close its teary eyes
And fly
Through amaranthine
Or cerulean skies
Only to try
It all over
Again
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Cloudthings
6 years 1 month ago
I think if a poem is enjoyable it has already done a great job.
I found this a very enjoyable read... I know others will argue it should shock, provoke, cause distaste... Not my opinion, I love pleasant poetry, especially if it is relatable as this one is . There are many tendrils of dangling mind-vines (sorry, that's how it felt ). & each had it's own vista & flavour. You could write this other ways, but I really like it as it is.