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Dec 22, 2024
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THE RACE FOR IT ALL
The world's an empty place,
Full of hearts with dreams engraved in their chests.
Hands are stretched out in struggling fantasy,
Trying to outlive fingers hovering in faith.
Hell's let loose and her dark clouds roll over the streets.
There's no mercy here and faith is all but weakness
Heaven too sits still, void of his maker
Prayers and supplications hanging on thin air
Saviours and Helpers watching to pick the ones whose names ring sweetly,
Calvary is full of tears and crosses are laid up in sadness
There's a push, there's a rush
In this race, everyone begs for all
Jealousy juices hearts, eternal run towards nothing
And they exist at the mercy of the supernatural
Feeding from whatever choice he breathes
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
6 months ago
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "THE RACE FOR IT ALL" explores themes of struggle, faith, and the pursuit of fulfillment in a seemingly empty world. The imagery of hands reaching out, dreams engraved in hearts, and the juxtaposition of Hell and Heaven conveys a sense of conflict and desperation. The mention of prayers hanging in thin air and the idea of being at the mercy of the supernatural add depth to the poem's exploration of existential themes.
One suggestion for improvement would be to further develop the imagery and metaphors used in the poem to create a more cohesive narrative. Consider expanding on the idea of the race for fulfillment and how it impacts the characters or entities within the poem. Additionally, refining the structure and flow of the poem could enhance its impact on the reader. Pay attention to the pacing and rhythm to ensure that the emotions and themes are effectively conveyed.
Overall, the poem shows potential in its exploration of complex themes and emotions. By further developing the imagery and structure, you can create a more powerful and
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