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Mar 05, 2021
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Rain
When it rains,
it puddles.
When it pours,
it floods.
When I shed a tear,
I crumble.
When i shed more tears,
I fall.
When a puddle dries up,
a little flower can bloom.
When a flood dries up,
the whole world can resume.
After I cry,
I feel like i can fly.
After I breakdown,
I have a choice to stay down,
pick myself back up.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: This was one of my first poems every written
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Geezer
4 years 8 months ago
Your title...
Is a bit sparse, but it manages to fit the bill. The language is simple and understandable. I would switch the second and third verses around, but other than that, it does the job of letting people know how you feel. Pretty good for one of a poets first poems. Welcome to Neo. and I hope that you stick around and read a lot of poetry here and get a sense of the help that can be given. We don't expect that you will like or use all of the advice that you are given, and you are not required to make changes to any of your work, just to please those who do give advice. I think that you will see that this is a place to learn as we have many people here that will help you become a better poet if that is what you want. ~ Geezer.
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Peggy Lewis
4 years 8 months ago
Thank you for the advice and
Thank you for the advice and i will be sticking around for a bit to become better. Also what are you basically saying to switch the second and third verses around?
Geezer
4 years 8 months ago
Yes...
that would make it a little smoother in having the idea continue before moving on to the next thought. ~ Geezer.
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Michael Anthony
4 years 8 months ago
Welcome to Neopoet Peggy!
Welcome to Neopoet Peggy! This is a very good effort. I like the simplicity and clarity of how it expresses your feelings. You are on the right track!
Best
Peggy Lewis
4 years 8 months ago
Thank you so much i
Thank you so much i appreciate it