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Mar 25, 2016
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Rain, and she was
I'd shout it from on high,
Oh, how I miss her
the affection she let upon me
Summer's warm embrace
so random
yet so precise
caressing my hair
my face
my skin
She threw candles into the clouds
to light our table for two
whispered through the leaves
into my ear
a song
only I could hear
less, she could never be mine alone
dripping my eyes with a joy
and a sorrow
but I would not yield to tomorrow
for I held her in a way
no one else could ever beg,
steal
or borrow
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Rula
9 years 3 months ago
wow!
this is the best I've read from you Scott. It it's so eloquent.
I thought it might be written for a passionate mom or a belobed one. It works for both equally.
Only the "rain" thing in the title puzzled me a bit.
eightmenout
9 years 3 months ago
Dearest Rula
Thank you. It is actual about the rain and taking it in
Rula
9 years 3 months ago
Scott, you know what
caused the confusion, it's just my pure ignorance.
This is the first time I see a reference to rain as a "she"
Now it reads even more eloquent.
Thank you.
eightmenout
9 years 3 months ago
Dearest Rula
I feel unworthy of such high praise.
Thank you